Discernment is the faculty used to make good judgements. Or not. An ordinary interaction with someone today got me thinking about my own discernment, the rather inadequate space that lies between the words in my head and the words coming out of my mouth.

When I find humor in a situation, it is nearly impossible for me to keep my words contained. Like slippery fish in a net, they tend to slide on out. Sometimes they fall under the head of a hammer, bludgeoned to death, deemed inappropriate. Those words make nearly no one laugh. Except me. Sometimes they go back out to sea, largely unnoticed. It is difficult for me to judge what others find humorous. I find absurdity to be incredibly funny and my discernment is often lacking when I decide to share my ridiculous punch-lines. I guess that people find me strange, and really, I don’t give a shit about that.

Discernment is useful in deciding with whom you will share what, and there again, mine is a bit off. I love to be alone, I have a definite need for solitude but not really for privacy. Not for secrecy. Hiding what I feel or even what I do is extremely difficult for me. So for the most part, I don’t bother. (I even feel the need to spout off about myself to the unknown masses here on the internet!) This part of my personality annoys people who are close to me because….I don’t really know why. Because my sharing intimate details with someone does not mean that I am close to that person, so I guess that the people I really am close to feel less valued. (?)

When I am hurt, my discernment instantly captures all of my words, allowing them no exit. They are like maggots that burrow into my heart, feeding off of their fleshy host. I wish that they would feed off of my ass! My heart is big but my ass is way bigger! If I could change my own judgement about how to react in situations where someone has hurt my feelings, I could eliminate so many other problems. Hell, maybe I wouldn’t even have any problems of my own left to resolve. Then I could start working on world peace, which is certainly much more relevant in the sad times we live in.