Où es-tu?

Sarah Moon Photo

Sarah Moon Photo

Je me cherchais
Désespérément
Dans mon propre miroir brouillé
L’image floutée
L’Etre fuyant
L’Evasive
Poisson argenté et lisse glissant entre les mains
Tombant comme une pierre
Au fond d’un puits sans fond

 

Chute vertigineuse
Aussi excitante
Que terrifiante


J’ai essayé en vain
De m’agripper contre la paroi glissante
Comme un goulot
Mais je continuais de tomber
Jusqu’au fond désolant de la bouteille
Faux ami par excellence
Me serrant dans ses bras forts, réconfortants
Afin de me rendre encore beaucoup
Plus seule qu’avant


Tellement seule que je livrais mon corps nu
Enveloppe charnelle
Une lettre à la poste
Au nord, sud, est et ouest
Sans destinataire précis
M’ancrant sous les corps douloureusement anonymes
Tous pareils et diffèrents à la fois
Sondant la profondeur de ma solitude
Ils me poussaient encore plus bas
Que le sol crasseux
Plus bas que la mort

 

Pendant cette descente fulgurante
J’ai perdu de vue
Si, en fait, je me cherchais
Ou si j’essayais de me perdre pour toujours


Sans jamais vraiment réussir

Ni l’un ni l’autre

Sans jamais vraiment échouer

Non plus.

 

 

 

 

15 comments

    • pivoine68

      Oh Ann….it’s really pretty depressing. I want to write a sex blog but this permeating sadness/drunkness keeps on knocking me down. As for the drunkness, I’m getting help now so maybe there is hope for a brighter future. I sure hope so.

      Bises,
      Dawn

      • Ann St. Vincent

        I feel your pain my friend. I went sexy for a bit because I did sexy things. But I am oh so sad right now. And tired of being sad.

        Glad you are getting help. It’s so important. I’m sure there is a brighter future – I have to believe there is. It’s just figuring out the path there sometimes that is damn hard.

        xoxo

      • pivoine68

        Ain’t that the truth! I’m sorry that you are hurting…the only reassuring thing I can think of is that you won’t always feel this darkness. Hopefully you’ll be out chasing unicorns shortly. That’s what I try to tell myself anyway.
        Big hugs from the calme haven of Treatment with a capital “T.”
        Dawn

  1. Bluesander

    Haven’t read your poetry in forever, Dawn.
    Miss it.
    This is beautiful.
    Reminds me of when we had a little chat about the wonders of Prévert.
    Much love to you. ❤

    • pivoine68

      Thank you Miss Blue! I guess I’ve been taking a sabatical year from my sabatical life! 🙂
      (Prévert is here with me in spirit!)

      Much love to you as well,
      Dawn

    • pivoine68

      Yeah…nothing much has been coming out of my tired head but I wrote this for my treatment center’s journal.

      Bisous to you my friend,
      Dawn

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