Septicemia of the Soul

Photo by Fabrice Numa

Photo by Fabrice Numa

Like a bad tooth, hanging on to bad relationships can provoke a septicemia of the soul. The more things rot, the more it hurts. Although you may be terrified of dentists, the only real solution is extraction. You can anesthetize yourself in a thousand different ways, for years, centuries but so long as that sick tooth remains in your mouth, you are doomed. The infection eventually contaminates every facet of your existence. Little by little, what started as a dull ache becomes something completely unbearable. The people around you notice an unhealthy odor that lingers around your very being. You are shunned by your entourage, a smelly intruder. The big problem with your rotting tooth is that it is so close to your brain, your heart. Insidiously, everything about you reeks, a subtle odor of despair.


  1. Dawn D

    As you said: like a bad tooth. And you know that the extraction may be painful for a moment but eventually will lead to much more comfort…
    It is hard to do, but what must be done must be done. Because living life as a pariah because of the bad smell left in you by someone else is not living life. You deserve more.
    Plenty of strentgh-giving hugs to you my sweet Dawn.

    • pivoine68

      I am incredibly angry and not even crying at all, yet I am not too sure what I can do to extract myself (the rotten tooth) out of all of this. It’s really unusual for me to be so hard-ass about this kind of thing. I know that the benefits of digging out of this shit-hole will be so much greater than any bewilderment I might feel.(That I really feel.)

      I’m grabbing on to your strength, trying to pull myself onto the shore.

      Je t’embrasse,

      • Dawn D

        I have to rush, but I just watned to say: you’re not the rotten tooth. You are the sane one. It’s the rotten tooth that needs to be extracted out of your life, not the other way round.
        Grab on all you like. Funnily enough, I have plenty of strength to help others, it’s always to find strength to help myself I have a problem!
        Je t’embrasse aussi.

      • pivoine68

        I know…it’s so easy to see the problems in other’s lives. I have a big problem too. Life sucks sometimes. Let’s try to keep our heads above water.


      • Dawn D

        We will manage, we have been keeping our heads above water for so many years, there is no way we will give in NOW!
        I think it’s not so much a matter as seeing the problems in other people’s lives because I do see all the problems in my life. Rather I think that we have more distance with other people’s lives, which makes it easier to see possible solutions, which we are not able to see in our own lives.
        We will survive 🙂
        Je t’embrasse

      • pivoine68

        I seem to have lost that strange detachment I felt yesterday. Now I’m totally panicking. At least I’m not crying. I’m trying to redo my CV….I have ten thousand versions and it’s not working. I want to scream. Thank you for being so caring. It makes me fog up. 🙂

        Je t’embrasse aussi,

      • Dawn D

        you know my email address… if you want a new vision on your CV, or help with it… I’m not too bad at those things 🙂

        Big hugs. Scream if it makes you feel better, then dive right back in! 🙂
        I have faith in you, you can do it!

      • pivoine68

        I’m screaming! A blood curdling computer failure wail. Why can I do this shit at some point in time and then the next time, it’s totally hopeless? Why don’t I have a sexy computer engineer neighbor? Or even a cute kid who works at Apple Store? There would be fringe benefits galore! Lol! I would be the best computer illiterate neighbor ever! ❀

  2. etoile31

    Pas de dents carriĂ©e dans votre bouche je suppose (pas question d’espĂ©rer, hein! ni de croire!!!), Nous vivons dans une socitĂ© de Merde, dans une dĂ©mocratie de Merde, et il faudrait soutenir avec ferveur et illusions nos dirigeants Raies-Unis….? Ha Ha Ha! Aller dans la rur pour ce faire….? Non mĂ© ça va pas non……? Le plus des Charlie de la bande, le dĂ©nommĂ© Willem, rare survivant du massacre, premier des dessinateurs de la Grande Ă©poque oroginele, Hara-Kirri, Charlie Mensuel, etc. l’a dit: “Je chie sur cette mascarade de rassemblement, Charlie aurait vomi sur cette mobilisation!” On n’a donnĂ© la parole qu’Ă  ceux des Charlie qui sont effondrĂ©s, Willem l’a bien dit aussi, le jour mĂȘme du massacre, je ne participais pas Ă  “leurs” rĂ©unions, je ne participais jamais Ă  “leurs” rĂ©unions, ça m’emmerde les rĂ©unions…. Que voulez vous que je vous dise?, ils sont tous morts! Je ne sais pas pourquoi je suis vivant, j’Ă©tais dans le train lorsque cela s’est passĂ©…..”
    Moi, je suis amoureux, et je suis partisan de “Faites L’Amour, pas l’Amalgame”, Bon, j’y vais, je vais faire l’Amour c’est Mardi (pas d’Amalgame siouplĂ©! Merci!)

    • pivoine68

      Moi aussi, les Ă©vĂ©nements de la derniĂšre semaine me laissent complĂštement abasourdies. J’ai le sentiment que les horreurs que nous projetons dans un avenir lointain seront bien lĂ  pour nous dans note vivant. Tout va si vite. A mon avis, les gens qui habitent Ă  la campagne se sortiraient mieux. Moi, si je n’ai pas de clope ni de vin, que l’on m’achĂšve sur le champs.

      C’est vrai, j’ai une dentition quasi-parfaite.

      Pas d’amalgame,

      • etoile31

        Bon, pour faire pas d’Amalgame, c’est d’accord, on a compris, pour faire l’Amour, lĂ , on fait comment twa et mwa, maintenant !!!!!!!!

        je peux te trouver du pinard et des clopes, pas de problĂšmes…..

        voilĂ  ce que c’est que ces privilĂšges accordĂ©s Ă  nos nantis de merde!!!!, Putaing! mĂ© fĂŽ aller plus loin maintenant, dĂ©boulonnons-les, liquidons-les et les horreurs s’arrĂȘteront d’elles-mĂȘmes, puisque c’est cette injustice ignoble qui est Ă  la base de tout !!!!! Bandes de connards de politiques!!!

  3. Ann St. Vincent


    I know this feeling far too well but could never articulate it as magnificantly as you have here. I suppose I have removed the tooth and am working on the cleanse of my heart and soul. It’s not easy, but it’s better than continuing to be infected.


    • pivoine68

      This rotten tooth business is a pain in the ass
.I hope that I maintain the same “I don’t give a fuck,” attitude. I want to be in the Top 100 Sex Bloggers but I keep being weighed down by this continuous shit. I don’t want to have a depression blog! I agree that prompt tooth removal can only be a positive step. Congratulations for finding the strength to get your ass out of that yucky infection. I’m going to do it this time. (I hope.) Life really is so short.

      Big Bisous to you,

      • Ann St. Vincent

        Well i was 15 years overdue for the extraction… But yes, way better now. No matter what crap I go through it is still better than being in my marriage.

        I hope you are able to deal with it, Dawn!

      • Ann St. Vincent

        Detached is good. I’m not sure if you’ve read my story, but I was completely over my ex when we split. We both started dating right away and when I found out he was dating, I felt… nothing.

        It was so liberating – I knew I was completely over him and would be fine.

        I hope you can make your way out of whatever you need to get out of. It feels so much better on the other side.

      • Dawn D

        I totally relate Ann! I know that if my ex were to date, I couldn’t care less. On the contrary, I would think that, maybe, if he is busy somewhere else, then he’ll leave me alone! And that he would have nothing to say against me if he were to find out that I have had some relationships. My kids are ready for me to date, they told me in so many words (at least the older ones).

        But yes, detached is good. It is going to help you go through the first paces Dawn. And then, as you are able to process what is going on, you will start to feel again. Big hug my sweet friend.

  4. Jayne

    You, of course you, have extracted the infinite truth within an unhealthy alliance we can make. And, when you said “for years”, I wholeheartedly agreed. We can also pretend it’s someone else, or that mints will make it disappear. I have a question now. Do you think that other people who have a core issue, a dysfunction, an issue that is basically detrimental to them in their relationship can continue on because they ignore the issue, accept the issue and are ok with it or do these people (of which I consider myself) slowly wither if no change is made? I continually tried to find an answer and example to follow. I guess I still wonder if my wiring is jacked up because other people can accept things I wasn’t capable of BUT- and this is a HUGE “but”. My first husband and I were/are extremely different in many ways. Ahhh fuck it. It is what it is and the question is just my errant, relentless thought feelers in over drive. You take care of you and better dental health will follow. I love you. J

    • pivoine68

      I don’t know My Sweet Jayne
I have the sneaking feeling that ignorance is bliss. Which is of no use to either of us. I think I have finally found the lack of interest necessary for moving on. I hope. I’m overjoyed
.not one tear has fallen. I guess I don’t give a shit. Amazing. Probably I will end up living on a park bench and even that does not scare me at all. Hopefully other homeless people will share their wine with me. (My fingers are crossed.)

      I love you too, I love your words and your shiny soul.

      • Dawn D

        If the second part of your reply were to come true… reach out, we are not that far away that I’d want to let you live on a bench. 😉

      • Dawn D

        So visualise yourself living in a nice studio, or even a rented room for now. You will find the place that you can be happy in. You will see, it feels soooo good to move out! So liberating!
        Things will work out, you have to visualise what you want and believe in your dream.

      • pivoine68

        I do visualize myself like that. It’s really exciting I guess. I will be overjoyed to find a job and have my own cash. If I do find one that is.

        Merci toi!
        Big Bisous

      • Dawn D

        What is this “IF” I read? Of course you will find a job. No ifs about it! 🙂

        BTW, is it you in the pictures here? They are really stunning!

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