Funambule

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Tamara de Lempicka

Silence
Heavy like a bat
Hovers over us
Bearing down upon me
Turning down my easy smile

Unloved
In the place we live in
Where I store
My hopes
My dreams
My secrets
Is completely
Unbearable
Unfathomable

To me

When I come home
I see your car
Parked in the driveway
And I want to disappear
To escape

Fear of oncoming conflict
Tightens it’s grasp
Around my fragile shoulders
Cracks my spine
Tramples my soul
Drives a rusty nail
Straight through my heart strings

I remember that feeling distinctly
From years gone by
So long ago
From my childhood
And I cannot believe how far I have run
Millions of miles

Across oceans, forests and fields

Just to find that same feeling

One can distance the body
But not the soul

Even less the heart

Walking on the high wire
Walking on eggshells
A keen ability
Like riding a bike
An art form that
Never really
Leaves you
Although you’d like to leave it
Far behind

Wherever you go
There you are.

19 comments

  1. Dawn D

    Oh Dawn!

    I have a fairly busy schedule in the coming weeks, little time for my WP friends. But I couldn’t let this post go.
    Yes, wherever we go, we take our pain with us, until we are able to let go of it, find the strength to rise above it. The first step in that process is facing the truth. It’s a difficult step, but now that you are aware of it, progress can be made. And sometimes, that progress can be very rapid (if you look at my story!) . I wish you the best, you are always in my thoughts, sending you positive vibes so that you find the strength to act on those realisations.

    BIG hugs. Et gros bisous aussi.
    Dawn

    • pivoine68

      I’m hoping to be back to our regularly scheduled program at any time now. Usually for some reason, things feel less unbearable after the holidays. Bring on January!

      Je t’embrasse My ThΓ©o,
      Dawn

      • Jayne

        You know Dawn, maybe that’s why my mind deflects that “strength” adjective as I’ve gone through things on the blog. EWvery damn step was a baby step. At no time did I feel like I was in full stride, and I still don’t. Idon’t mean to be dismissive or humble. Every step was difficult and in my mind, strength equates with ease. That’s just not how it feels and I get pissed that there isn’t an ease in doing what I knew to be right. It’s easier to be where I am than where I was but I still have baby steps to keep taking. ( I answered both comments from you here.) xo, J

      • Dawn D

        Strength has nothing to do with being in full stride or not. That’s ease.
        Strength is doing what you know is right even if it’s not the easiest thing to do. And if you must take baby steps to do that, then so be it. The most important thing is that you keep moving in the right direction, that you keep following the dream, no matter how many times you fall, you get back up. Sometimes it takes a little while to heal after a fall. That’s Ok. But strength is starting to walk again even if it still hurts.
        On a lighter note, strength is staying off WP when you’re supposed to be working on a important thing… so I guess I’m not that strong πŸ˜‰

      • Jayne

        Thank you for that reasoning Dawn. As I am still in the midst of handling these real situations, I’m often blind because my eyes are covered in it’s muck. Strength now seems like a word you repeat for 5 minutes and at the end of 3 minutes, it sounds foreign and bizarre. You know? Strength is an umbrella term for choice, determination, and follow through. I think I’m just whining because I want it to be easy and that ain’t happenin’ but still I do appreciate your words. Thank You, J.

  2. MySideOfTheStreet

    This is beautiful, haunting, and hits entirely too close to home.

    Mille bises,
    Your fairy blogmother

    • pivoine68

      See! We have missed each other for a moment but we still share so many feeling. I’m glad that you are back…I was feeling like an orphan! πŸ™‚

      (Otherwise I’m not doing too well at keeping up with my blogging family. I can’t concentrate and can’t write easily either. I’m bunched up like a pair of panties!)

      Big Bisous,
      Your Fairy Blog Daughter

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