Tasting Your Essence

Everything hurts.
A dull, throbbing ache
Impossible to localize with any certainty.

A hesitant smile,
Briefly flashing pearly whites
Quickly fades as he wrenches my heart
Splintering what remains intact.

I want to make love to the world at large.

I am well on my way.

I want to know passions that burn deep, desires that lie low.
I want you to touch me in ways I never imagined,
I want to feel your desire surging in my hand,
Alive and vibrant.
I want to taste your essence,
I want you to penetrate the thin barrier that separates us,
The thin membrane that makes us individual,
I want to be one with you,
To fall into your outstretched arms like one falls blindly into faith,
To trust you unconditionally,
Like we trust that we have another day to live,
That the sun will rise again.

I want to spread my love onto you, thick and sweet as honey,
Soft and wet, overflowing with tenderness.
Warm and enveloping,
To cover you like a duvet,
I want you to feel safe,
To know love in a pure form.

I want you to exist.

Painting by Egon Schiele


    • pivoine68

      Pain wears a person out though. I think that I can’t take much more of this shit. Why would anyone want to? I’m taking your strong-ass example. Time to move on!

      I think there is someone that exists that could fulfill me, despite my apparent emptiness. I believe it.

      I am hugging and kissing you,

      • Jayne

        I think you might “feel” empty because of the circumstances. I’m sure that has a hell of a lot to do with it. You’re doing as i did, trying to survive under the wrong conditions and the only way to prove that to yourself is to continually make the effortwhile yeilding nothing from it except the truth that it isn’t good for you. “Strength”?? It wasn’t strength that made me move. It was the clear knowledge that what was didn’t do anyone any good, especially me, Being out of my own circumstances isn’t the freedom I imagined, like “I passed GO, I collect $200.00 and I’m on to Broadway and Park Place!” It’;s an adjustment but the foundation is solid. Yours is too. It’s probably the reason you continually feel most out of sorts…maybe, right? Something just won’t settle. I will say that I have a fresh sense of something undefinable and it is worth any fear or worry that pops up. It’s such a relief to NOT have that marital build up in crevices and corners of the day. I’m hugging you back. It’ll be ok. Don’t forget to take vitamins my love. xo, J

      • pivoine68

        Sorry this is the latest reply ever. Spending energy for nothing reminded me of doing doughnuts in empty KMart parking lots in high school. I didn’t actually do them, I just squealed like a pig on the passenger side. (Maybe where you are from they call them something else, where you skid your car and give the wheel a hard jerk….in Colorado we called them doughnuts.) Anyway….it’s like using a shit-load of energy, wearing out your tires and basically going nowhere. Just around and around. This is way less exhilarating but there are similar parts to it.

        I think that you are never accepting my compliment concerning how strong you are, but it is certainly merited. I’ve known forever that none of this was doing me any good. I have a long-ass backbone…but it’s flimsy. Being ruled by fear SUCKS. Go directly to jail, do not pass go. šŸ˜¦ (me, not you!)

        Love to you in this festive season and all the time,

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