…and they lived happily ever after

20140321-202717.jpg

It was one year ago today that we met for the first time. In the flesh that is. On a day much like today. The beautiful apricot tree is my garden was blooming and the air felt warm and filled with promise. We were already virtual friends and I already knew without a doubt that you were someone extremely special. Elaborate plans and crafty orchestration leading up to our coming together were sweet like a glass of Sauterne and your words warmed my heart as they spilled out of you and into me. One year ago today I packed my duffel bag, boarded the train, my hands trembled and my heart beat frantically. Although I didn’t know you at all really, I felt an immeasurable trust in you. I felt as if I was standing on the ledge of a high building. The altitude was exhilarating, terrifying and yet somehow I knew that you were there, your strong arms holding me tight, steadying me.

Our carnal union was probably the very most exciting sexual experience I have had up to now. Laying languorously on the bed in a hotel room, door unlocked, ajar. I could hear every sound in the entire hotel as I silently waited, my eyes blindfolded in amateur fashion. I hadn’t followed the precise instructions, I wasn’t nude, but I was naked enough to feel the warm spring air from the window brushing over me. My whole body tingled in delightful anticipation of your arrival. The heavy sounds of you struggling with your suitcase as you entered the room made me smile to myself. I can’t remember what words were said. Not being able to clearly see myself made me less self-conscious than usual. I hoped that you approved of my body, that you found me attractive. I will always remember your hands roaming over my landscape, hills and valleys, you penetrating me, a tropical rainforest just for you. It felt like exactly what I had been waiting for all along.

A year has gone by and the time we have been apart now outweighs the time we shared. You have left your fingerprints on my heart. The dull ache of your absence has carved a place where I can now remember what was beautiful in what we had together instead of dwelling on how sad I am without you. You came into my life when I needed you so much, probably much more than you will ever realize. I have to thank you for that. You have touched me in ways I never expected to be touched.

Maybe you stepped off of my path because you knew that I was strong enough to walk on without you. And I am.

Walking.

61 comments

  1. Nick

    This sort of day helps you through the dark ones. Beautiful picture – yours?

    I really like this time of the year. It reminds me so strongly of when my first was born. When we returned with her from the hospital all the trees had filled with blossom. A much better reminder of her birthday than any man-made calendar.

    • pivoine68

      I really like it too. As the days grow longer, everything seems more possible.

      It is my photo of my apricot tree in my garden! 🙂 I was worried because it only makes fruit every other year, I was relieved to see the flowers. Otherwise I guess I would have been obliged to take a picture of my ass! Lol! Probably better for stats.

    • Dawn D

      This is such a sweet memory to have Nick! I remember when my second was born, the banana tree in our backyard had frozen and turned from vibrant green to dull brown… Not so beautiful a memory 😉

  2. Theo Black

    Maude’s last line in the movie Harold and Maude. She’s dying and Harold tells her he loves her, and she says, “That’s wonderful, Harold, now go and love some more.”

  3. Sofia

    First I am a sucker for photography and I love this shot you took. To me it just looks so inviting and warm.

    Your writing took me to an even warmer time… I do love the way you ended this post it is sad but you turn it around in such a positive way being able to relive such good memories.
    xox

    • pivoine68

      Thank you! I love flowers.

      I think that this will be the last post on this subject. I want to write a sexier, less melancholic blog. (I’m very busy doing field research!). ;). xoxo

      • Dawn D

        I’m so glad you’re doing field research!! It’s a nice sort of research to make 🙂
        I too love flowers, and want to thank you for sharing this beautiful shot of yours.

      • pivoine68

        Why thank you!

        As for field research, I guess I’m the kind of person that needs “hands on” experience. I’m a slow learner but I keep on practicing! 🙂

        Bisous,
        Dawn

      • Sofia

        I love flowers as well and in a other lifetime I take pictures of flowers and write poetry to match them. 🙂
        I am looking forward to reading your notes on said field research.
        xox

      • pivoine68

        I’m just sweating away in the name of erotic literature! Ha! ;). It’s a dirty job, but someone has to do it!

        Re-Bisous,
        A sacrificial lamb of field research

  4. Sandee

    Here’s to ‘walking’ forward and into life’s next lesson. Because of the way that you write, I feel the impression that this relationship left on you. But like they say, look back, but don’t stare. It seems as if you’ve been able to appreciate the situation for what it brought to your life.

    • pivoine68

      I’m thinking that this is the last page (finally) of that story. On to new stories, different beginnings and maybe even different endings as well. I can’t really promise you that because as you know, I am drunk half the time which does not ever help me to move forward but….

      Here’s to today and tomorrow Sandée, assuming we will be blessed with a tomorrow. Yesterday is over and done with. 🙂

      Bisous,
      Dawn

    • pivoine68

      To you as well! I know that you aren’t really jealous…alcoholism is not all it’s cracked up to be. Sobriety probably is, and you have that. I’m jealous! ❤

  5. Dawn D

    This comes at a time when I was forced to remember one such episode in my life. Faced with questioning, I was asked do I have any regrets. Even though there is some bittersweet memories, about what went on and most importantly how it ended, I don’t have regrets. I too am very grateful for that kind gentleman, who walked into my life and helped me face what needed to be. Who helped me feel like I was worthy of love and desire. For that, I too am grateful. He was a necessary step on my journey.
    Thank you for such a beautiful piece of writing. I really enjoy it every time.
    Now maybe I’m going to go and open that bottle I have downstairs, and drink to you and to him and to life in general, and maybe this will help take my sadness away…

    • pivoine68

      It is amazingly difficult to let people go and simultaneously cherish the memories we have of them. I honestly believe that each person that touches you is in your life to teach you something, but sometimes it takes a long-ass time to figure out what you were supposed to learn and get on with the program.

      Thank you for always encouraging me to move forward. When you speak of sadness and bottle opening, we are really speaking the same language!

      Tchin tchin!

      Je t’embrasse,
      Dawn

      • Dawn D

        I believe the same, that every person is in your life to teach you something. I’m just sad right now because I look back and see all the missed opportunities for me to figure it out. 20+ years it took me. Talk about long-ass time!
        Now that I’ve finished writing my sad post (see, you’re not the only one!!), let me find that bottle opener.
        I knew you of all people would relate 😉

        A la tienne
        XO

      • pivoine68

        Et tu avais complètement raison, je comprends extrêmement bien aujourd’hui mais ce qui m’énerve vraiment c’est que j’aurais bien compris aussi il y a vingt ans. Pour moi, il n’y a rien qui est surprenant, je le voyais venir depuis toujours mais je manquais de quoi l’arrêter.

        I just read your sad post and cannot seem to find the way to leave a comment. I did figure out how to get your posts by mail. Yay! Better late than never.

        I was doing some lunchtime field study. Life is beautiful really. Once we get past all the holes in the sidewalk. 🙂

        Je t’embrasse en évitante une légère gueule de bois, (?)
        Dawn

      • Dawn D

        At the bottom of the post, there is a little line in red either marked ‘Comment’ or ‘X Comments’, X being the number of comments there already. If you click on that red line, a box will open up and you should be able to write something. 🙂
        I’m happy that you now managed to get the notifications of new posts. 🙂
        Ooh, lunchtime field study!! Great! I’m still in my bed, considering taking a nap. Alone. My ankle probably needs the sleep to heal faster. 🙂
        Quant à la gueule de bois… it didn’t happen. I got stuck on my computer, and the bottle was downstairs. What if I tripped down the stairs and hurt my other foot?! Or mostly, it was just me being lazy 😉 Told you, your glass has nothing to fear with me around 🙂

        Bises
        Dawn

      • pivoine68

        Well that is a relief! 🙂

        I hope your ankle is feeling better. Never overestimate my computer skills….I do have good intentions though!

        Bisous, hiboux, genoux, cailloux,
        Me

      • Dawn D

        And don’t overestimate mine either! I JUST found this reply from you 😉
        Ankle is improving a little bit every day. Now the challenge is to not want to do too much too fast and hurt it more…
        But it’s easier because I have sooo much writing that I still want to do, and so many great reads as well… maybe I’l manage to publish a few more posts?
        Bisoux 🙂
        Oops… my spelling may be slightly off. Maybe it was meant to be bijoux? Because we’re more than worth it 😉

      • Dawn D

        And now I know why I’d only just seen this comment… it’s because it had only just been published 🙂
        See, sucker at computers here too 🙂

  6. random acts

    Hotel rooms always seem more intriguing playgrounds…where strangers, lovers can meet…can lose inhibitions…then they walk away from a room that in mere hours has become familiar )))

    • pivoine68

      When I was a kid, I went on road trips with my family and we always stayed in motels, where you park your car in front of the door to your room. There were always two double beds with a place where you put in 25 cents and the bed starts vibrating furiously. “Magic Fingers,” it was called. An included feature, like free wifi now. The whole concept of it made my imagination go wild, imaging what people do in those generic rooms with vibrating beds. It still does now really! 🙂

      Bises,
      Dawn

      • random acts

        Oh Dawn this is the sort of material I want to read before dreaming. Imagine the combination of wifi, magic fingers and then dreams

        ))))
        ax

      • pivoine68

        Still, I wonder if you have a quarter. You can try shoving ten pounds into the slot….it will never work. Do they have, “Magic Fingers,” in beautiful Scotland? I suppose that they don’t have it in America anymore either. All great things disappear sooner or later. Hélas.

        Bises,
        Dawn

      • random acts

        I’m on an island. Amongst sheep and hills. It is beautiful but sometimes that beauty becomes an abstraction. Sometimes see it sometimes not. The closest I’ve gotten to magic fingers is okra aka Lady Fingers. Always good with brown rice )))

        ax

      • random acts

        Interesting…I like it with lots of chilli…nothing like heat and pain

        ;))

      • pivoine68

        I put chili pepper on most everything I eat too. It’s funny to think of a Highlander eating okra. In America, it is a Deep South vegetable. Louisiana. I’m not sure it exists in France but the French take serious offense to chili pepper. They get angry! In America it is a sign of virility, eating incredibly spicy food. 🙂

      • random acts

        I’m not a highlander Diane…I’m an urban dweller ostracised from the city. I would cook those okra in coconut milk, chilli, and other spices…served with a garnish of fresh coriander, red chillies and baby tomatoes…with rice or noodles…I start the day with chilli jam on toast and a cup of black black coffee ))))

      • pivoine68

        I do love coriander. My name is Dawn. At times I think my name is the only thing I like about myself. 🙂 Sometimes I like other stuff about me too.

      • random acts

        It wasn’t me it was the spell check…((( courgettes…there’s a scene in a Francois Ozon film with said veg…but I can’t remember what the film was called…apologies Dawn 😉 I like your writing, your imagination )))

      • pivoine68

        “Fucking spell check!” I say that every day because my computer is ill and on my IPad, now my only connection with the outside world, I have to change back and forth between French and English constantly or else it makes the oddest sentences. Thanks for liking what I do….I like what you do as well!

      • random acts

        I have same problem with iPad. I kind of just respond to matter and ether. It’s not my fault lol )))

      • pivoine68

        I’m thinking that okra has very little erotic potential, mainly because I don’t like it I guess. La courgette….lol!

    • pivoine68

      Finalement je crois que j’adore la nostalgie plus que la réalité. Ça empêche tout avancement rapide mais bon…je ne suis pas pressée. Merci pour tes mots Miss TK Kim. (La communication est la clef d’une bonne entente entre colocs, j’en suis certaine.). 🙂

      Big bisous,
      Dawn

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s