It was one year ago today that we met for the first time. In the flesh that is. On a day much like today. The beautiful apricot tree is my garden was blooming and the air felt warm and filled with promise. We were already virtual friends and I already knew without a doubt that you were someone extremely special. Elaborate plans and crafty orchestration leading up to our coming together were sweet like a glass of Sauterne and your words warmed my heart as they spilled out of you and into me. One year ago today I packed my duffel bag, boarded the train, my hands trembled and my heart beat frantically. Although I didn’t know you at all really, I felt an immeasurable trust in you. I felt as if I was standing on the ledge of a high building. The altitude was exhilarating, terrifying and yet somehow I knew that you were there, your strong arms holding me tight, steadying me.
Our carnal union was probably the very most exciting sexual experience I have had up to now. Laying languorously on the bed in a hotel room, door unlocked, ajar. I could hear every sound in the entire hotel as I silently waited, my eyes blindfolded in amateur fashion. I hadn’t followed the precise instructions, I wasn’t nude, but I was naked enough to feel the warm spring air from the window brushing over me. My whole body tingled in delightful anticipation of your arrival. The heavy sounds of you struggling with your suitcase as you entered the room made me smile to myself. I can’t remember what words were said. Not being able to clearly see myself made me less self-conscious than usual. I hoped that you approved of my body, that you found me attractive. I will always remember your hands roaming over my landscape, hills and valleys, you penetrating me, a tropical rainforest just for you. It felt like exactly what I had been waiting for all along.
A year has gone by and the time we have been apart now outweighs the time we shared. You have left your fingerprints on my heart. The dull ache of your absence has carved a place where I can now remember what was beautiful in what we had together instead of dwelling on how sad I am without you. You came into my life when I needed you so much, probably much more than you will ever realize. I have to thank you for that. You have touched me in ways I never expected to be touched.
Maybe you stepped off of my path because you knew that I was strong enough to walk on without you. And I am.