If I Never Manage To Get Published, I Wanna Be A Sexy Babe on Tumblr!

 I considered posting an example of a Tumblr photo, but it is so easy just to look for yourself. Go look!


It’s true, I want to be a sexy babe on Tumblr. To be 19 years old, unaware of all the turmoil lurking just around the next corner of existence. To have amber-colored skin that is always covered with a fine mist of delicate goosebumps, signaling to everyone around me my perpetual state of arousal. And a thick mane of flaxen hair that invites men to pull it in passionate displays of unbridled sexual attraction. I want to be a size-4 with rosy breasts as adorable and delicious as Florida grapefruits. Perfect breasts defying all laws of gravity. Cheerful nipples that invite a gentle touch. I want a hairless body, from my upper-lip to my lower-ankle, and a fashionable Barbie Wa. Neat and tidy like a freshly picked apricot. I would love to have incredible thighs, firm yet yielding, open…I would like to be able to sashay effortlessly in 8 centimeter heels on cobblestone paths without risking my fragile life. In my exorbitantly expensive new shoes, I would be obliged to continuously arch my back in a grotesquely seductive manner, making my suddenly phenomenal, up-turned ass protrude even farther towards the heavens of carnal experiences, a visa for travel towards illicit pleasures of the flesh.

In case I am never published or even Freshly Pressed, in that highly unlikely scenario, that cruel twist of fate, I think I would enjoy becoming a self-portrait photographer. I would differentiate myself from the narcissistic, curvaceous masses (not to say that I am not the most narcissistic person I have ever met) by using only a Quaker Oats canister camera that I would make myself after eating the contents of the box. With whole milk, salted butter and a big pinch of brown sugar. And dried apricots. This high-carb breakfast would have no effect on my overwhelming, uncontrollable sex-appeal. Hell, I would even eat a banana and two slices of toast with butter and peanut butter, not just a smidgen but a thick layer. If I felt like it, I would greedily consume four slices of crispy bacon as well, leaving a suspicious greasy trail on my lips and my cleft-chin. Then I would wash it all down with an opaque, discreet mug of chilled white wine. With an unusually high alcohol content, product of Global Warming at its best. At around 9:15AM. This enormous display of gluttony would make no difference whatsoever, no dimples, no unsightly bulges. Nope. I would ingest all of that and still have an infamously famous Thigh Gap the size of my already perfect waist.  (Phew! My one saving grace.)



  1. Dawn D

    Oh Dawn! Don’t we all want that somehow?! I’ve always admired my grandma’s beauty, yet she doesn’t see it. All she sees is that she’s not 20 anymore, that she has gained weight, wrinkles and worries as life went by. Like me, she was very fit, used to enter in local area competitions… and then life, the war, children… her body changed, but not the picture of herself. The one engraved in her mind from an era long gone, when she was 19 and fit. So of course, every time she looks in the mirror now, or sees a picture of herself, she’s disappointed. Yet I can promise you, she’s a beautiful person.
    And of course, I write about my Grandma, because what I can easily accept about her, I’m having a harder time accepting about myself!

    • pivoine68

      That’s for sure! Aging seems so unexpected to me for some reason. I never thought that it would happen to moi-même! One day, you wake up and say to yourself, “Wow. I’m not a young, hot babe anymore!”

      This post was me being sarcastic and a bit ironic too. I would like to be published but I guess being a Sexual Goddess on Tumblr would get tiring after a while! 🙂 All those men tearing my clothes off and all… lol!


  2. Fatal

    Just for comparison’s sake… you should check out http://housewifeswag.tumblr.com/ She’s a tumblr babe. Technically a tumblr goddess. Thousands and thousands follow her, clamor for pictures of her. She does erotic modeling and sells merchandise of herself. Men and women shower her with gifts from her wishlist.

    She’s nothing like the tumblr babe that you describe (though trust me, I would LOVE to be as well), and yet is loved by the multitudes (something else I would love).

    Have a great day, babe. ❤


    • pivoine68

      It’s true that there are loads of different types of tumblr babes, all of them are beautiful in different ways. Mainly I just want to be published, get famous, make mountains of cashola and start organizing our Sex Blogger Convention. If I make enough money, I will pay for everyone! 🙂

      Bisous Ma Belle!

  3. Hyacinth

    I actually don’t want any of those things anymore because I fully realize it’s all fantasy. Even if I were 19 again I could never walk in heels on cobblestones. That’s dangerous! And there is absolutely something to be said about a fully grown woman owning her swagger (and her bottle). I really must come see you some day. It’ll happen and you’ll be horrified to learn that I love you just the way you are.

    • pivoine68

      I guess if it’s too big a gap, it can look sort of scarecrow-ish. I know a guy in Minnesota who likes “Three Diamond Girls.” They have upper thigh/ thigh/ calf gap. So much useless criteria we carry around for no good reason.

      Eleven pounds is tough for cake lovers! Good luck! 😉

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.