So, my lover dumped me, and at first, I was certain that my heart was irreparably broken. Luckily, I think it’s just sprained. Now I am hobbling around as fast as I can in a frenzied state nearing hysteria. For those of you who don’t speak French, Alice Thierry is a sort of word game that I am never sure really works in French for French people. With my pronunciation, it works perfectly. In French, “hysteria” is pronounced, -e-ste-ri. à l’hystérie…to hysteria, A-liceThierry. The word hysteria has Greek roots and means craziness coming from the uterus, or something like that. With the passage of time the meaning of the word became distorted and “hystérie” became an ailment striking certain women, a state of craziness that is the direct result of not having enough sex. I suppose many psychiatrists through the ages have taken advantage of this curious condition.
I do believe that a person can go silently crazy in a sexless life, if sex is something that matters to them. It matters to me and I was half-crazy already before I landed in my sexless marriage. Sex plays a powerful role in how I see myself, in my self-esteem. I guess sex makes me feel like someone is offering me the time to take care of me. Abandonment makes me anxious. I don’t really know if this means that I am flawed, narcissistic, a whore…I just know that when I go for extended periods of time without sex, I start to feel stuck in a long, unpleasant, nail-biting, rip your own hair out of your scalp anxiety attack.
In my sudden hysterical state, I am taking drastic measures to make sure that this new, yet familiar dry spell is not too lengthy. I am from arid country but I do not like the desert much. I prefer lush, fertile landscapes. It amazes me the places that life takes us, all of our ever-changing backdrops. I would have never imagined in a million years that at the ripe age of 45 I would be joining an exchangist website. I am not an exchangist really…I just figured that there would be less wasted time using these networks than, say, waiting at the library for a guy to fall at my feet and beg me to spend the night with him. It is not a completely impossible scenario but I doubt that it will ever happen. Sometimes you have to boost your fate a little.
In just a few days, my new experiences have been amazing. Not that I have actually slept with a stranger yet. Ok, yes I have but not as a result of this new website I mean. I can barely get myself to look at it because once you do, you are bombarded with messages. I am not much, but I am polite. If someone asks me a question, I answer. If someone says hello, I respond. I didn’t even post a photo of myself there or any of my body parts either…which leads me to believe that people are ready to assume the position with nearly anyone. That or my writing skills are so finely mastered that my one sentence presentation, a clever phrase about looking for something to fill my time, is enough to convince men of their passionate longing for moi-même. Cool.
Yeah, my heart is definitely not broken. Just a sprain.