Sprained

So, my lover dumped me, and at first, I was certain that my heart was irreparably broken. Luckily, I think it’s just sprained. Now I am hobbling around as fast as I can in a frenzied state nearing hysteria. For those of you who don’t speak French,  Alice Thierry is a sort of word game that I am never sure really works in French for French people. With my pronunciation, it works perfectly. In French, “hysteria” is pronounced, -e-ste-ri. à l’hystérie…to hysteria, A-liceThierry.  The word hysteria has Greek roots and means craziness coming from the uterus, or something like that. With the passage of time the meaning of the word became distorted and “hystérie” became an ailment striking certain women, a state of craziness that is the direct result of not having enough sex. I suppose many psychiatrists through the ages have taken advantage of this curious condition.

I do believe that a person can go silently crazy in a sexless life, if sex is something that matters to them. It matters to me and I was half-crazy already before I landed in my sexless marriage. Sex plays a powerful role in how I see myself, in my self-esteem. I guess sex makes me feel like someone is offering me the time to take care of me. Abandonment makes me anxious. I don’t really know if this means that I am flawed, narcissistic, a whore…I just know that when I go for extended periods of time without sex, I start to feel stuck in a long, unpleasant, nail-biting, rip your own hair out of your scalp anxiety attack.

In my sudden hysterical state, I am taking drastic measures to make sure that this new, yet familiar dry spell is not too lengthy. I am from arid country but I do not like the desert much. I prefer lush, fertile landscapes. It amazes me the places that life takes us, all of our ever-changing backdrops. I would have never imagined in a million years that at the ripe age of 45 I would be joining an exchangist website. I am not an exchangist really…I just figured that there would be less wasted time using these networks than, say, waiting at the library for a guy to fall at my feet and beg me to spend the night with him. It is not a completely impossible scenario but I doubt that it will ever happen. Sometimes you have to boost your fate a little.

In just a few days, my new experiences have been amazing. Not that I have actually slept with a stranger yet. Ok, yes I have but not as a result of this new website I mean. I can barely get myself to look at it because once you do, you are bombarded with messages. I am not much, but I am polite. If someone asks me a question, I answer. If someone says hello, I respond. I didn’t even post a photo of myself there or any of my body parts either…which leads me to believe that people are ready to assume the position with nearly anyone. That or my writing skills are so finely mastered that my one sentence presentation, a clever phrase about looking for something to fill my time, is enough to convince men of their passionate longing for moi-même. Cool.

Yeah, my heart is definitely not broken. Just a sprain.

31 comments

  1. Nick

    I’m pleased you have found some way to fill your time.
    I had not come across the word ‘exchangist’ before. Does it mean ‘swinger’ in France, too? You are brave! I do hope you enjoy it.

    • pivoine68

      Oops! The spell-check kept on correcting that word…yeah, I guess it is swinger. I think I hate that even more than exchangist, which sounds like swapping car parts.

      I hope to enjoy it too.

      Bises,
      Dawn

  2. Marian Green

    Oh sweet girl. I’m so sorry for the sprain. Those can be nasty, but in your case hopefully short lived. You are a darling, so do be careful exchanging parts. ; ) but enjoy yourself. Hugs. -m

    • pivoine68

      Let the games begin! 😉

      I’ve been thinking about the danger factor involved in this kind of stuff and although it is vaguely terrifying to me, it is much the same as taking a taxi or boarding an airplane. You don’t usually have a past history on the driver yet you get in. I’m riding on blind faith that I will get to my destination unharmed. (?)

      Kisses,
      Dawn

      • Marian Green

        You will. Faith is the most positive vibe to put out into the universe. 🙂 can’t wait to meet you someday. Random. But wanted to throw that out there.

      • pivoine68

        I can’t wait to meet you too!

        I lack self-confidence but I have faith coming out my ass so hopefully everything will work out. I really do think every place you are in your life is exactly where you are supposed to be. Even if sometimes it feels a bit like walking on glass. I believe there is a reason and that we move forward…

        Bises My Fave Noodle Ever,
        Dawn

    • pivoine68

      Sometimes you just have to throw yourself to the wind! Complacency only leads to old age, and we will all get there some enough anyway. 🙂

      Bises Jayne,
      Dawn

  3. Sofia

    I am sorry that you had to go through that. 😦
    But I am glad you are finding a way to keep you busy and find what you seek.
    I won’t say good luck because you won’t need it. 🙂
    xoox

    • pivoine68

      I guess that really, if I could do it all again, I would. It’s always hard to remember that we don’t own other people…we just get to borrow them for a while. Endings suck but they tend to motivate us…;)

      Thanks Sophia.

      Bises,
      Dawn

      • Sofia

        I am glad to hear you say that you would do it all over again because that means you try to have no regrets. I try to live my life that way as well.
        Everything always happens for a reason, even if at that time we don’t know what those reasons are.

        Besos
        xoox

      • Sofia

        Don’t look to hard it will come when you least expect it (or so am I told by the “experts”. 😎

        baci

      • pivoine68

        It’s like walking by a mirror trying to catch a surprise glimpse of yourself. Not looking I mean. So I’m kind of not looking. Time is a wastin’….

        Küssen,
        Dawn

  4. Dawn D

    Hi Dawn… I haven’t had time to read everything here yet, and don’t know much of your story, but from what I gather, we have similar paths, at least lately… Best of luck with it all, and I’m definitely interested to know how it spans out (Basically, do I dare go there myself?).
    Bises

    • pivoine68

      Well, so far, so good. It is really terrifying though. I have a hard time realizing that I am really doing it.

      If my blog stops abruptly….

      Bises from the other Dawn!

      • Dawn D

        I know how terrifying it can be. I would have prefered to try it as part of a couple, but for that, you’d need someone willing to try it too, and I don’t have that on hand.
        And I feel a bit like that girl sitting by the side of the pool, watching someone jump from the deep end, waiting to see if they make it before trying herself… I would love to be more adventurous, but right now, I’ve got too many other things going on, I don’t think I can weather it. So I wait to hear from your experience to know whether I am strong enough to do it myself…

        Good luck with this, and the rest.
        Bises
        PS : and if your blog stops abruptly, I’ll hope it’s for all the right reasons (you’re too deep into a new experience and don’t have time to spend updating us), because I don’t think there’s much else I could do 😉

      • pivoine68

        I’m a good swimmer! I hope you are right, but really, even if something totally exciting happens to me, I hope I’ll have enough focus to write. I have not made the top 100 sex blogs award for two years in a row now…I’m getting rather miffed. Then again, I have not had all that much subject matter to write about. More this year than last at least. I feel good about 2014.;)

        Thanks Dawn. xoxo

      • Dawn D

        Of course you’re a good swimmer! You wouldn’t be writing here if you weren’t! (plus, I realised, one is always good at something one likes).
        Reading this reply makes me realise how much catching up I have to do on your story… not in the past 2 years… Wow!
        This said, for now, I’m just happy to have a few people reading what I write, grateful when they decide to leave a comment (thank you!)… I’m not (yet?!) thinking about any awards!
        I’m glad 2014 is looking brighter for you. I’m hoping mine will be as well…
        Bises
        PS : and one day, we’ll have to share why we communicate in English 😉

      • pivoine68

        Oh, I really meant swimming. I’m not so sure of my between the sheets skills. I guess no one has ever complained. Not to my face anyway.

        Blogging is a great experience, it brings the most interesting people into your life. I hope that you get on the Top 100 list…I think it must be rewarding, although I don’t know that. Yet. 😉

        Do you speak French? I make way more mistakes in French, but I have a cute accent.

        Je t’embrasse,
        Dawn

  5. Dawn D

    Why between the sheets? Just as fun above them, on the floor, or in the swimming pool, isn’t it?!
    Joke aside, I didn’t literally mean your sexual skills, I meant the fact that you are still here, a woman standing by herself, means you’re strong enough!
    I’m not looking too hard to get onto that list… first you’ve got to exist for more than 6 months or something like that, haven’t you? And right now, I’m having a hard time just finding said time to write anything. And I don’t have much sexy to write, I’m afraid it’s all more about my thoughts (granted, lately, they’ve been involving sex quite a lot!), but for me to have more to write, I’d have to find someone to have fun with… And I’m not quite in the right frame of mind just yet (something about finding a job and a house all the while finishing a more than full time job and dealing with a few kids, doesn’t make for much free room in one’s heart or mind…).

    I do speak French, hopefully with fewer mistakes than in English (especially when I’m tired). But I’m fine speaking English too… 🙂

    Je t’embrasse aussi
    Dawn

  6. Dawn D

    And of course I meant on the top 100 blogs, when I mentioned a list… goes to show I probably should go to bed rather than try and make sense 😉

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s