Virtuality

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Voilà! In a simple click, I took my real self (whatever that means) right off of Facebook like a crumb wiped off of your coffee table. Something like a clean suicide. No horrible bathtub left for anyone to clean, no blood, no horrid rope, no splattered brain on a lampshade. For the moment, I’m not really sure how I feel about my “petit mort,” because at times, I feel far more connected with people I don’t actually know than I feel with anyone in my immediate entourage. Social networks are probably a coward’s channel towards revealing what they really are at the core. Or what they would like to be. I have appreciated the immediacy that internet offers. Oddly, in real life, I have no handicap in the art of small talk. I can strike up a conversation with the person next to me on the bus. But really, I long to get to the heart of the issue. I am becoming more and more haunted by the idea that I have very little time left to waste.

If I were to buy a T-shirt today bearing a clever slogan, mine would say, “Really, I used to be beautiful. I had potential. I am intelligent. I am so fucking lonely.” I suppose that if that T-shirt existed, if I was wearing it, people on the street would politely look away when they saw me wearing the pathetic garment in question, like they look away when they see a beggar hovering on a cold sidewalk. Like I would look away as well. At the same time, I would feel like, having stated my case, I would be standing on firm ground for the development of any human relationship of the 3D kind. Not like on Facebook.

So, I’m not on Facebook anymore. I’m hoping that with all the extra time I should have now that I will really do something useful for humanity. Or at the very least for myself. I’m going to write a book, I will be published, people will buy my book and I, validated (as usual) by the opinions of others…I will decide what to do with the time I have left.

36 comments

  1. La Vierge

    Funny how that works – how we can have more intimate 3D relationships with people here, than with immediate friends and family on Facebook. I too don’t waste time on the small talk, I’d rather have less friends and spend my free time talking to people I can meaningfully communicate with. Good luck with your book, keep us in the loop.

    • pivoine68

      It is odd and sort of addictive too. Here there is no beating around the bush. Straight to the bush. 🙂

      I never meet people in my real life. I know people but I never really meet anyone new. Internet offers such a variety of different people. Everyone is more daring in that context. I am especially daring in that context and may end up at the bottom of a well but hopefully, I will have already written my book, become a household name…then I’ll be in tabloid magazines, dead with cellulite. Cool.

      Bisous to you,
      Dawn

  2. Nick

    I am SO pleased you binned Facebook. And kept us 🙂

    That feels a little like wishing somebody else a nice road accident…but I’m selfish. I enjoy having you in my virtual life.

    • pivoine68

      I’m SUPER selfish too! As I am sure you have already noticed. I like having you in my virtual life too.
      Really here I don’t actually know anyone any more than on FB, yet so much more at the same time.

      (plus everyone here has been on a tour of my panty drawer. Creates intimacy I guess.) 😉

      Bisous,
      Dawn

    • jayne

      I’m with Nick – the stranger sitiing next to me on the virtual bus ride to ALICE THIERRY. I’m glad you kept us. ( That’s really kind of creepy. I’m some silent internet non-voice telling you how I’m glad you kept all of us. …silent, dolls with virtual hands up their asses to make the mouths and eyes move just for you. Eeeeeewwww – I’m creeping myself out. Forget that – Here, exposed feeling are ourselves in a way no flesh can mimic so yes, you’re valuable and full of content in my real life. You’re a lighthouse that life is real and full of feeling and emotion. We could be lobotomized but how much real fun would we have? NONE I tell you, none! xoxoxo, Jayne

      • Nick

        Jayne. Somehow I suspect that if your real self is anything like Commenting Jayne I will know you quite well by the end of that bus ride to see Alice:-)
        Provided you promise to sit on your hands…

      • jayne

        Hahaha – if you started talking, YES we would know each other…that is if you are as open and friendly. You must know how anonymity allows me to reach out with my literary hands so easily. I’m sounding like a lech. I better reign things in. : ) When we’re on the bus, lets talk about ceramics and how the migration patterns of birds are being jacked up by cell phones. lol

      • pivoine68

        I think a lobotomy might be ok…

        I love that you told me I am a lighthouse. That is maybe the nicest thing anyone has ever told me.
        My hand is far up my ass and my heart is aching. I wonder if it wouldn’t be preferable to never know any form of happiness, because when it goes away, there is nothing worse than the fuck-eating void it leaves behind.

        Plus, I am always totally leery towards any twinkling of ecstasy. That’s what makes me so angry now. If it seems to good to be true, of course it is.

        Je t’aime,
        Dawn

      • Nick

        Sorry, lighthouse, a lobotomy just will not fit in with the colour scheme. Have to think of something else. How about Jayne and I bring a bottle or two while we chat about it? That bus will be there soon!

      • pivoine68

        I had a driving lesson this afternoon…who knows, maybe one day I can pick you both up. In a car. 😉

        (Don’t hold your breath though…it didn’t go all that well.)

      • Nick

        Jayne – you are good at this! I’d forgotten all about the ceramics and mobile phone opening:-) I must go on buses more often.

      • jayne

        Nick, I know exactly how to sit on my hands. : ) So, Ceramics… It’s such a forgiving art. Before the firing , before the full development, before decision making that cannot be returned from, you can keep creating and adjust your ideas as the piece comes to life. It’s a great analogy to how to live life. What kind of wine should I get?

      • pivoine68

        I know you didn’t ask me…but can I vote for white? 🙂 Not only because I am terribly selfish but also because I am already drinking white and in French, they say don’t go down the red to white road, which I wouldn’t be, but still…I love white. It would be so incredible to have the two of you here in my jaded world.

      • jayne

        You must say which wine you’d prefer. Do you like Pinot Gris? It’s the first white wine I enjoyed – that’s not saying much though. But I have bought that a handful of times now. I just don’t care for sweet wine. Well, Nick seems to be a good guy, but he says I have to sit on my hands. Is he always this bossy? lol I am sure I cannot be THAT scary!! right? damn., I feel like the black sheep of the community Dawn haha.

      • pivoine68

        I LOVE black sheep!!! I hate sweet wine too, it gives me an immediate bullet in the brain feeling, not very conducive to getting to know each other.
        As far as I’m concerned, you never have to sit on your hands unless you want to. 😉 I think we can tame Nick.

        Bisous My Jayne!

      • Nick

        I ALWAYS ask the natives what they recommend:-) You find so much more is revealed when you do, leading to a better experience for all. If one is really lucky, several suggestions and tastings may result, several bottles consumed.
        I agree with Jayne-no-hands that sweet is probably not best for an afternoon of tasting. But as we are not in Russia, it probably won’t be a problem.

      • Nick

        In which case, we should have some food, too. Some bread, several cheeses, grapes. What else is good this time of the year?
        And, as a nod to having no Russian wines, some caviar.

      • jayne

        I am not a fan of caviar but, I can test it again just to make sure. The company is what I enjoy most with any wine.

      • Nick

        LOL! That sounds a pretty convincing ‘not caviar’ vote from you girls! We can do pizza:-) And wine!

      • jayne

        If you want caviar – caviar it is Nick. Caviar, pizza and sterak with peppercorn sauce cheese, wine. I think the menu is perfect. I hope there’s a fire at some point to sit around. Eyes just are so pretty around fire. I’m happy and content already. Dawn, it’s a party. Lobotomies will have to wait.

      • pivoine68

        Probably I should find something better to wear than sweats.

        I hate to be a party-pooper but I think I’m going to bed. Feel free to frolic without me. 🙂 Bisous Jayne and Nick!

      • jayne

        Leave your sweats. I’ll wear a mumu. lol Good night and sweet dreams. We’ll see you with bottles in hand very soon.

      • Nick

        I think I can pass on the caviar. Wine, pizza and sterak with peppercorn sauce cheese sounds just wonderful. Oh, and did I say wine?

  3. Sandee

    I’ll miss you on facebook — so — I’ll have to buy that book! Keep us posted. Based on the language you use here in your blog, I’m sure that your book would be a great read…

    • pivoine68

      Happy Thanksgiving Sandée!!! We can loathe this holiday together, yet apart.

      I doubt that I will have what it takes to keep me away from Facebook for very long….you will have barely noticed my absence. lol!

      I hope that I really write a book and become SO famous that I fit through no doors. Otherwise, I’ll just keep on being me.

      Turkey Bisous, (ick!)
      Dawn

    • pivoine68

      I will miss yours too Jane. I’m sort of addicted to Facebook so I’m sure I won’t manage to stay away for very long. I just want to recenter myself.

      Bisous,
      Dawn

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