I must admit
I was feeling less
but, I suppose that there is a lot to be said for planting your own garden, finding satisfaction in things that don’t come from the outside. I know this yet I am continuously stuffing myself in hopes that I might somehow be able to cheat the system. To be able to feel good, period. I get there sometimes. I drink. Heavily. When I can muster up the self-confidence necessary, I discover enthusiastic people who are more than willing to fill me in ways that I will leave to your discernment. I am a big fan of the Quick Fix, but of course even I know that this type of relief leads me nowhere. Similar to, “Two steps forward, three steps back,” really. I try to convince myself that the beauty of existence resides in this path, filled to the brim with emptiness and uncertainty. That this is not only my challenge but everyone’s challenge.