She’s a closet-optimist with a
Boulda’ on her shoulda’
Wishing for a happy end
Every day a little olda’.

She always wears a thin veil of pessimism, an inadequate protection against all the deceptions, the slaps in the face that life doles out on a person. By expecting the worst she feels that there is a better chance of being pleasantly surprised, so in a round-about way, she is really quite optimistic. The weight of her heavy step, the root of her sadness is fear. A paralyzing fear that the panic lodged so tightly in her chest may very well just stay there, that any relief will be too temporary to mention. It is in the fear of her own fear that she lies motionless. Terrified. Holding her breath, her shoulders crowding her ears and although she doesn’t move, the hands of time keep right on moving ahead in the most inexorable, monotonous fashion. She is beginning to think that all of this is her true essence, not simply a part of growing but her core.

16 comments

  1. Theo Black

    I don’t think it’s her essence; she needs to give some love to everything from kitty-cats to panhandlers, to trees and flowers, and see if they’re loving her back. (Here’s some serious love and affection for you, right here.)

  2. jayne ayres

    This reminds me of a post I just wrote keeping private. The pain, separate from me, awaiting scheduled removal likened to a stillborn birth. (Pretty dark analogy, right?) It is separate from me. I am not the pain – I don’t think your woman is either – can’t be…but it feels like it. Hugs Dawn

    • pivoine68

      It’s dark but it’s accurate. I am jealous that I didn’t think of that first. I like the idea of it like a garment she wears, something really heavy.

      Thanks for the hugs!

      Bisous My Jayne,
      Dawn

      • jayne ayres

        I think that anyway we describe it – it is separate. I don’t think it’s an essence though. You’re too bright of a soul to be one with pain as your essence. I get the poetic reference though, I can completely relate. I love that pain can be released with words.it I love your words. Jayne

  3. Pingback: I love black pearls « Diary Incarnate • Jayne
  4. sacha1nch1

    he thinks that too sometimes; ocassionally it feels warranted, other times it does get rather annoying….i would more often than not take it over being a stoic

    emotional bisous

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