Dilemmas of the Bearded Clam

For a long time now I’ve intended to write about this. About how depressing I think it is that as a women, burdened already with so many insecurities and fears of not being beautiful enough, thin enough, elegant enough et cetera fucking et cetera, I must also worry myself to death (or plastic surgery) about the attractiveness of my hoochie. I  have found out late in life that even the Sinful Snatch is a target for disapproval. My Clam was significantly furrier when I was younger. I don’t think I really started  “grooming” my pubes until I was about 15, when my best friend’s mother informed me that girls needed “to trim a little.” Oddly, every other body hair on me had already been yanked out, tweezed, Naired, annihilated. The Beaver seemed somehow sacred to me then. (now too!)  Through the years It has gotten more and more bare and little by little, with horror I’ve come to an awful conclusion. It’s UGLY! I find it disturbing that an area so intimately mine is subjected to some sort of homogenization, some kind of  beauty criteria for The Glam Clam. That my Taco is a fashion victim (unfashionable victim?) just as much as the shoes I wear or the purse I carry. I find it even more disturbing that there are costly (and painful) plastic surgery options available to improve the esthetic aspect of….for Christ’s SAKE, don’t we have more important things to think about? Global warming? Syrian genocide? I’ll keep my muffin, the one I was born with. I never wanted to be a porn star anyway.


  1. Theo Black

    Absolutely. I think cootchies are pretty, and every one is different, and anybody who wants plastic surgery on theirs is a victim of some kind of crazy mass hypnosis the culture has applied to women generally. I mean, come on, how can something called a “muffin” not be adorable?

    • pivoine68

      Muffin does sound adorable! What I was really wanting to say (yet did not, go figure.) is that before they (muffins) became hairless, I don’t think most women really even knew exactly what their cootchie looked liked, yuno? Ignorance is bliss. What I also meant to say is that I thought any guy getting to look at it would just be satisfied to be in that situation…

      Bearded Clam Bisous (without a doubt the best kind of bisous)

    • Hyacinth

      Theo, dicks and balls are GORGEOUS!! Take that back! And yes, “muffin” is awfully cute.

      Sweet Dawn, this is a wonderful post. I agree with you 100%. The pursuit for pornstar plasticity must stop. Seriously. No man has ever looked at my pussy and said, “Hmm, not quite pretty enough for me! See ya!” It’s just the media message we’re given. Real life men love our petals 🙂

  2. Marian Green

    First. The picture you put with this is freakin’ awesome! Second. I’ve never found vajay-jays to be attractive. Even porn star ones. Thankfully men seem to have different opinions. 🙂

    • pivoine68

      I agree…I’ve always thought they were all sort of ugly looking. Porn star ones seem less…well, less. Less is better I guess. Even so, I cannot imagine shelling out hard-earned cashola to have myself trimmed. How PAINFUL! I read that everything you’ve got down south adds to your ultimate pleasure, so if you take some away…
      NO WAY MAN! I’m an insecure freak, but not that insecure or freakish.

      Bisous Noodle!

  3. sacha1nch1

    ’tis a view for certain to die for, i can take the hair or leave it; it’s the taste and feel i’m interested in….and besides, like most things surgically ‘enhanced’, they never end up looking quite right….i can only imagine how appealing the dawn clam is…..

    dawn clam bisous

  4. truth003

    Once, a few years ago, I saw the Vagina Monologs. There is a character or piece in that – I don’t quite remember the context – talking about being a pussy worshipper. It was a moment of recongnition for me. I thought, holy crap, that’s me, I’m a pussy worshipper! I think they are elegant.

    • pivoine68

      I hate to be a let-down….it’s only my belly button. I did read that.
      I think I won’t post a photo of my beaver…Silly You! (I do have a cool looking picture I took of it with my phone. It looks like a strange land.)


  5. storyofalice

    In relation to your post, I really liked this advice session with porn star/sex educator Nina Hartley:

    It’s all a matter of perspective, I’m sure! xoxo

  6. Accidental Masturbator

    Dawn, I’ve looked at more female genitalia than I have names for (and I’m carefully avoiding your anti-favourite). None of them have been ugly. Ok, that’s a lie, but I’m pretty damn sure that less than 0.001% of the cocks you’ve looked at have been ugly. I will bet my anonymity on WP that your’s is as just as visually beautiful as any other. Give yourself (and your cunt) a break.

    • pivoine68

      See AM! You did say that some are UGLY! You are incredibly kind to give up your fave hobby for a week and not say the “P” word simultaneously. I am really quite crabby and don’t know why I decided to join this Lent/Ramadan. I hate for you two to suffer alone but then again, I doubt that my suffering will make much difference in the end. I really hope that your Partner/Wife decides to give herself freely like a buffet table…

      If I was not at the library, I’d give myself a break right NOW!

      Bisous My Friend,

      • Accidental Masturbator

        If I had not made a commitment to Hyacinth I would have given myself a break at least once today. But I am honoured by your contribution, if as baffled as I am by everyone else’s.

        I like the idea of my Wife giving Herself like a buffet table. I’m ravenous and wouldn’t mind tasting Her well marinaded clam. (I’d even happily do that without any reciprocation.)

        And on the subject of clams. If you’re really that unsure about the beauty of your own, put it somewhere where it can been seen. I’d happily offer my account on LMNB: I don’t think anyone here knows where it is, so you could get some comments from people you don’t know and who won’t find you. I bet they’d be positive.
        (AM phones cheap hotel to book a room.)

      • pivoine68

        I don’t think they are particularly ugly either. None of them looked exactly like mine….it’s amazing all the different shapes and sizes to chose from! Thanks AM.

        Bisous (again!)

      • Accidental Masturbator

        I read this quote from Germane Greer today, and it reminded me, yet again, of this post, and your relationship with both your cunt, and the word:

        It ought to be possible to establish a woman’s vocabulary of cunt, prideful, affectionate, accurate and bold.
        But it is not enough to know what it is called. Women must know above all other people what it is. Feeling it with the fingers serves to accomplish much, but more must be known, of its prettiness, its varying expressions, of how it smells and how it tastes, so that the women’s magazines cannot frighten us into believing that what lies between our legs is rotting meat.
        There is no substitute for confrontation: women must become expert in their own complexities and, because there is no knowledge without standards of comparison, the cunts of others.
        It is no more true that all cunts are the same when you get down on them than it is that all cats are grey in or out of the dark…

      • pivoine68

        I feel tempted to reply, “Meoooow!’ I have more to say but I’m on a hotel computer and I can no longer type with qwerty. It hurts my brain!

        Happy New Year Bisous,

  7. MrM

    Hmmmm. I think they look pretty damn awesome. I will say that I don’t need the gaping shots that they show in porn. I don’t need to see her uterus to get off, but hey whatever floats your boat. I do think dicks look a little weird-mostly because the balls just hang there and are lopsided hahah.

  8. eroticexploration

    Well said Dawn! It’s been really bothering me since I started my blog a few months ago, because it never crossed my mind as something that could be judged ‘ugly’ before I started reading all these blog posts about the issue! I’m glad I got through most of my life with the serene confidence of the innocent. I get so fed up by all the distractions and insecurities between us and just enjoying ourselves… it seems so petty and shallow yet undermines us all at times. Grrrrrrrrrrr…. P.s. have to add my voice as always to the Theo fan club *smitten sigh*

    • pivoine68

      I know…it was such a huge bummer to me to know that I would ever even have to waste my time thinking of such things! I used to always think guys were lucky to even get to look at it! What do I know.

      Smitten Théo Sighs (where is he?) and a Kiss,

  9. David Hofberg

    Speaking personally, and as bisous seems to be being applied a great deal to the notion of clam, I would observe that quite apart from appearance, the more interesting a woman’s appears, the more rewarding and engaging it is to the tongue, lips and teeth of the individual bisous-ing. Couple that with the intoxicating mix of scent and taste, and I can lose myself for as long as the lady in question will allow or can sustain. Simply, porno conformity is as bland and unadventurous as checking into a franchise hotel – quality assured, but the same from Beijing to Seattle by way of Marrakesh. On the other hand, a woman’s unique nether statement is uncharted territory, demands exploration, and is an experience that cannot be replicated. Please, brandish yours with pride. Those who have the good fortune to climb your mons will value a view that cannot be found elsewhere.

      • David Hofberg

        You deserve that, and more. And thank you for allowing me to admire you so, at least conceptually! My predictable response may be that it does not bite, but I do (both entirely true), but the more thoughtful response is to ask this: what is better than lips meeting lips for the first time..? My initial bisous will be small, pursed lips touching lips…but the heady mix of heat and scent and pent up desire will ensure that as my lips part, so my tongue will part yours, freeing your wetness and taste…and this is when your singular geography will reward the inquisitive tongue…lips…and teeth… In short, and in anticipation, my bisous awaits the coming Dawn…

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s