I just realized some things…

This is not an official post, just some things I feel like writing for the hell of it. I have just realized that when I post nothing, no one comes to play at my place. It’s lonely. When my top post topics have included desire, sex, yeah…masturbation, I am not really certain that more people actually read them. (In my opinion, that is strange.) Today, the most popular topics I’ve written about ever here on Word Press are need, self-hatred, alcoholism and drinking. (just a second, I need to fill my glass with self-hatred.) I’m back. My all-time least favorite search terms are undoubtedly “french girla learn masturbation,” “sex pig,” and “send me a whore.” When I read them here I wanted to quit writing indefinitely. I didn’t. The search terms I loved are, “in panties gentle touch sharing pleasure,” (how ADORABLE is that?) “girl slyly masturbating,” and “spanked under the panties.” I imagine someone playful and sensitive and sexy typing those words and it makes me gloat a little. I gloat easily. When I first started blogging, I thought the number of clicks I had received each represented a person. When I had ten clicks, my blog address was on Facebook and I was thinking, “Hmmm, who are those ten people?” I am always pleasantly surprised and sometimes startled that anyone takes the time to read what I’ve written in the first place.

Pivoine68 was supposed to be a blog about relationships, about people and how they interact with each other, but somehow I tend to only write about myself. I’m quite selfish I guess. I wanted to write about beauty but I am usually drawn to darker aspects of existence. I enjoy writing about sex but I seems to write more frequently about masturabation. (that should be telling me something about my writing and my life for that matter.)  I have made beautiful friends here. I wasn’t expecting that. I don’t know if my blog buddies write fact or fiction, but then again, it doesn’t matter. Writing is therapeutic. It helps the writer and helps the reader as well. It certainly helps me.

Just wanted to say thank you for. ..well, everything.



  1. TheOthers1

    Blogging is innately selfish. That’s okay though, I like your brand of Selfishness. 🙂

  2. Theo Black

    I just put “wordpress lovely sad French Colorado girl masturbation” into google and your blog came up. I just stop by for the masturbation, personally.

    • pivoine68

      H.H. informed me of this Google deal…so much for being an anonymous writer at large. I figure it’s too late to try and fix that, and I don’t know how to anyway.

      Haven’t seen you for a while! How are you?

  3. datingbitch

    Hi, noticed you were following me and I’ve been trying to invite you to my new blog but I don’t have your username. My other blog ended and the following is my new private blog. You can either email me your username and I can request you or you can click on the following link and I will accept your request, however you won’t get an email confirmation and will have to reclick the link to access my new blog. My link is http://justanotherrollingstone.wordpress.com/
    Or you can email me at justanotherrollingstone@hotmail.com
    Hope to see you soon 🙂

  4. Hyacinth

    I love your words and I love this peek into how it all started. In fact, it gives me an idea for a round robin type blog thing– something sweet Gillian would’ve done. A How Did You Start Blogging? kind of meme. I’d love to know the whys (I always want the whys).

    Also, you’re not selfish. I Refuse to agree. All most of us do is write about ourselves; it’s what we love about each other, after all. And you, sweet Fawn, are wrapped up in all kinds of love and friendship whether you expect it or believe it.

    I think you’re amazing. xx Hy

  5. jayne ayres

    Your voice is unique ( as is everyone’s) but the attention to the darker side of existence fascinates my mind and I appreciate it. Many people shy away from dark but I feel that light needs to be focused to relieve the darkness. I do not EXPECT a post of yours to be dark. What you write is always worth my time to read it – even if I put it off for a liitle bit so I don’t have to read in a hurry, I” get to it. I would miss your blog for sure, if you didn’t write. Jayne

  6. H.H.

    Dear Dawn,
    I really enjoyed this post for so many reasons. I’m going to take some time to respond. . . and I hope you don’t mind. First, it was so honest. Second, it was (or at least seemed) so off the top of your head. That’s probably why it was honest. Third, I love the search terms that you love. I don’t recall how I found your blog (probably through a “like” or a comment you posted on someone else’s blog that I read), but I’m glad I did. I really enjoy reading your posts. However, you make me a bit sad. True confession – back when I informed you about how your name popped upon when you sent me an e-mail and it had a link to your FB account, well, I checked out your FB page. (Hope you don’t find that creepy.) In your pics it seems like you have such a varied, fun life. Also, you are very, very beautiful!!! (Loved the pic of you lying down in the bikini with one hand down by your special spot. . . much like “girl slyly masturbating.” I won’t tell you what I did to that pic. Imagination, my dear.) So, it makes me sad to hear about your self-hating and loneliness. You have so much going for you! Grab life by the balls girl!

    That’s all for now.

    • pivoine68

      Thanks for your encouragement Mr. H.H. I don’t find it creepy to look through the keyhole that I inadvertently left for all to find. I know that I would look, but no one else is as careless.

      I am gloating at your compliments. Tomorrow is my birthday…I guess none of this will last much longer. You are right, I must seize the day!


      • H.H.

        A very happy birthday to you!!! I’m hoping for a post of you in your birthday suit!

        Much encouragement, kisses, and compliments!


      • pivoine68

        If I didn’t check my spam box (that sounds delicious!) I’d never see your messages!
        Thanks for remembering my birthday and for your support.


      • pivoine68

        Again!!! Are you selling viagra, are you involved in casinos, do you feel like helping me manage my debts? All the other spam sandwiches are like that.

        Big Kiss Again,

  7. eroticexploration

    What a lovely post – giving us readers insight into your history, thoughts and emotions. I know I haven’t been part of your journey yet, but I hope to be in future!

  8. Fatal

    Dearest, Dawn. I wish that I could express how much I care for you. Thank you for being. I enjoy reading everything you write, because I enjoy knowing you better–whether it be fact or fiction…I don’t mind. Seeing you sad makes me sad, my cyclical-sister. Be well and stay beautiful. ❤


    • pivoine68

      Oh Fatal! We are cyclical sisters and it is hard to say whether that is a blessing for us or a curse but it is certain that I am so fortunate to have you in my life. (and being like everyone else must suck anyway!) You are My Fatal Beauty.


  9. Ink. [Anette]

    Dawn, you are absolutely adorable! Whether you write about masturbation, share your clever thoughts of life, or post images: I enjoy all of it. I love your style and your personality, it shines through.

  10. Pete Armetta

    Awww 🙂 And with 40 comments I think you’re doing okay! I’ve never gotten anywhere near that! Funny what search terms bring up no? I get all kinds of stuff! I like this memoiresque essayish thing you wrote here, and hope to see more of it. A good stream-of-consciousness certainly is cathartic.

    • pivoine68

      Your comment made me go look at Tags and Categories and today, first is beauty followed by wanting. I like that! Catharsis is a good thing…I agree!

      Bisous and thanks!

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