The Onanists’ Tail

Stolen Facebook Illustration

Stolen Facebook Illustration

I already posted this story a while back but I had never finished it. Now it’s closer to finished than before and since  I have a few more readers than before I thought I’d throw it out to sea once again.

It was a brisk October day, a high sun gently drying the fallen leaves. It was the kind of day that always draws me towards a big, woodsy park, preferably with a pond full of ducks. My seeing-eye dog, Fru, shares my enthusiasm for these autumnal afternoons. Her destiny has been quite unlikely. Neither her breed, a camel colored Afghan, nor her usefulness seem fitting to her official title “Seeing-eye Dog”. She has a particular blend of elegance and clumsiness that is not usually sought out by professionals for the handicapped but I have been overjoyed to have her in my life. The fact that she is now going slowly blind as well breaks my heart and I feel a certain responsibility in the matter.

My blindness was for the most part my own fault. I do not think I was genetically programmed to lose my sight. I never believed that masturbating could actually lead you to sightlessness. That “l’amour en solo” could make you blind as a bat, that countless hours of softly rubbing and not so softly rubbing, grinding, writhing and moaning could cause serious handicap. Unfortunately I was mistaken. As for Fru, (short for Frustrated Beaver) I think she was contaminated by the barely audible yet audible buzzing of my ultra-silent vibrator. She has been known to perform a rather guilty looking wheel barrel imitation and humps an occasional pant leg (and bien sûr the joys of oral sex hold no mystery to her, fortunate enough to be able to procure them without any searching for a possible partner) but otherwise she has done nothing to deserve such a cruel fate.

As we awkwardly approached the duck pond, smelling and feeling our ways along, we were surprised by the darting presence of Tum, (short for Tumescent Stud) sight-impaired Border Collie, the seeing-eye dog my friend Juan owns. They live down the street from me and are both almost blind for much the same reason as I am. This makes Juan and I quite compatible, both of us understanding the difficulties of going blind and the slight guilt mixed with solitary euphoria in how we got that way.

The Onanists’ Tail cannot be about me as I have no Seed to waste on the ground or anywhere else. I have wasted more than enough Precious Time though, even if you can’t see it dribbling along on the side of the sink or under the sheets in a humid gym sock…it’s there just as real as Seed unsown. So on this tart October day in the park, we were two blind people led by blind seeing-eye dogs. There was maybe no coincidence in our paths crossing. As our dogs began an ancestral sniffing ritual we too began a silent olfactive voyage. My neighbor smelled like Sport Cream….kind of minty and fresh. He told me he had a backache because of Tum who was constantly pulling him around chasing squirrels and a Chihuahua named Chloé he was quite enamored by who lived on our street.

In true Altruistic Hedonist form, I quickly proposed my services. I instructed Juan to take off his shirt and jacket and lay down in the grass under a big tree by the duck pond. As the dogs frolicked around together joyfully, I hiked up my skirt and straddled my nice smelling neighbor. I slowly massaged his back As is the case with most C.M.’s (Chronic Masturbators) I am quite skilled in massage, given my own personal tenacity for seeking out points of tension and the means to release them. I found Juan’s shoulders to be rather tense and very nice to touch. In spite of my blindness I could envision their muscular curves and had an uncontrollable urge to bite the left one but I managed to keep myself inside the bounds of decency. Not for very long though…

Something in the up and down back and forth motion of the massage made me start to move, just a little at first. I was hoping it would be imperceptible and it was (I think) for a moment but Juan is no fool. He figured out what was going on but didn’t seem to mind. A cool breeze caressed our skin and I started to gently rock, at first on the waistband of his jeans and then on one of his vertebrae. I felt like such a swine yet it was a beautiful feeling. My Hello Kitty panties were getting all wet and all I really wanted was to take them off. After a few seconds of hesitation, I slyly lowered them and they were off in no time.. The beautiful feeling was instantly intensified. Juan made no comment about my undisciplined behavior. I suppose he could have said something fowl like, “Hey you cum-guzzling sperm-belching gutter-whore…what do you think you’re doing???” but he didn’t. I was relieved at his laissez-faire attitude, so much like my own.

Slowly, I rubbed myself along his bumpy spine, feeling his hard body beneath me. A certain urgency overcame me and I sped up the tempo a bit. Within moments I was going straight over the edge, writhing in my own self-induced pleasure. It was a little, stolen orgasm but all the same, it was a lovely moment. Birds were chirping around us as if they were applauding. In spite of my blindness, I saw stars for an instant. I was suddenly called back to life as Juan bucked me off of his sex-toy back. I found myself face down in dust and pine needles, pleading to be forgiven for my bad behavior. To this day, I cannot say for sure whether Juan’s fury was feigned or not, but he sure had me believing it at the time.

He spanked me like a naughty child, telling me to never, ever try that again. I was crying, warm tears were running down my face and into the dust. My teeth seemed to be grinding on gravel. Juan violently grabbed the back of my neck. My hair was nearly pulled out of my demented skull. With his free hand, he bound my hands together behind my back and in one solitary movement he was thrusting into me with the kind of vigor that any girl would appreciate. I could feel his balls slapping the back of my ass and I found that sound incredibly arousing. Being so completely filled by Juan made me feel like I might burst, like a red balloon…like if he let go of me I would just float away somewhere in space, never to be found. He never let go of me. He came with a lion’s roar shooting hot sperm into my solitude.

It was a lovely day at the park, that is all I have to say.


    • pivoine68

      “I see!” said the blind man. Thanks H.H. I think I could do better on the ending. I never know when to stop. (story of my life!) Plus there are like a thousand words I can’t write or say in certain contexts. I’m trying…


      • pivoine68

        Oops! This got put into spam for some reason and then I found it and could not reply. Now I can! I don’t really like writing words I don’t pronounce, which is stupid because why write if it’s only to make up reality through fiction? Does that make sense? I say “pussy” about a guy who can’t eat really hot peppery food, or can’t open a jar or move a refrigerator. The other “pussy” I never call “pussy” in real life and then I can’t seem to write it either. I rewrite, I avoid…I get worried that if I can never write certain words it will never be possible for me to become a famous erotic writer. If you can’t at least get close to celebrity, why do it? (Yeah, I really enjoy it…but still!)

        Hope you are well H.H. Hi Lo!

        Dawn (sorry I was so slow, I was on vacation.)

  1. Gillian Colbert

    Wow … I loved this. It was so wry and ironic and almost dystopic despite the euphoria achieved. This was awesome.

  2. Gillian Colbert

    P.S. I just realized the title, I was thinking as I read it how its tone reminded me of The Handmaid’s Tale. You got skillz, grrrl!

    • pivoine68

      Did you get “tail” as opposed to “tale”? It’s for the dogs. Yay!!! I’ve always hoped to find skills somewhere on this lonely planet! Thanks Sweetest Gillian.

      Biggest Bisous,

      • Gillian Colbert

        I missed that! But it works. Awesome 😉

        Huge kisses and be safe traveling!

  3. Fatal

    Just the perfect combination of clever and sexy, my dear. Very lovely. It’s a little funny to me because just yesterday I was thinking what it would be like to have sex if I were blind. It’s one of the reasons I love sense deprivation so much. Brill.

    Much love and xox

    • pivoine68

      It was prompted by this guy (that I was sickeningly infatuated with, of course) telling me he masturbated so much even his seeing eye dog had gone blind. Maybe that’s stealing. Oh well! Thanks Miss Fatal!


  4. TheOthers1

    I remember reading part of this before. I love how you wrote this by the way. Ps: I’ll have your post up shortly.

    • pivoine68

      My question is: If I could have choked out the “P” word, would it have been more….well yuno? I was on the verge! Thanks CC.


      • TheOthers1

        Your story is good without it, but we should start putting it in one post a week. Or saying it out loud. Its a good word and deserves to be used. Here’s to the pussy, the vocab word of the week. 😉

  5. Pingback: The Onanists’ Tale « Honesty
  6. pjacemarneau

    “I could feel his balls slapping the back of my ass and I found that sound incredibly arousing. Being so completely filled by Juan made me feel like I might burst, like a red balloon…like if he let go of me I would just float away somewhere in space, never to be found.”

    Yes, Yes, Beautiful!!!

  7. sacha1nch1

    hi again…..i read this the first time round, i read all your stuff in fact, just never got round to commenting; i don’t think i know why, i assume it was because it was early in my blogging life and i just didn’t know what one was meant to say in these situations; especially when it’s a blog like yours – that is a compliment about your whole manner of writing, not just coz you write a load of saucy stuff 🙂 – and then i went away for whatever reason and it turned out that you found me – i hope this isn’t coming across weird or anything, i just wanted you to know that i had been here before and i really like your writing

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