Marital Miss

A fellow blogger who is now my beloved friend  asked me recently why I  married. I’ve been thinking about it ever since. I don’t think I have come up with any revelations but writing feels good.

As a child I would have never expected to end up married. I was already well-documented on the subject, reading any adult material that I could find and I was also no stranger to divorce, shitty relationships and the overall dissatisfaction that comes with them in my immediate family. My mother divorced twice and my father’s second marriage appeared to be incredibly empty to me.  Marriage as a sacrament seemed  like a promise to never change, to remain constant. I knew when I was 10 years old that I could never promise something so impossible to another person. It’s funny how life with it’s winding roads and countless adventures takes you to places you never thought you’d go. I am 43 years old now, I’ve been married for nearly 14 years to a man 21 years my senior. We have been together even longer than that. Close to 20 years. I find that incredible not because there is any merit in making it work (it’s often more courageous to throw it all away) but because time has just slipped by so quickly, because routines have been established…written in rock more or less, because my life looks nothing like the one I had hoped for. It would be preposterous to complain. I am in no way abused or mistreated. I am a bit of a modern-day Madame (B)Ovary.


    • pivoine68

      Hi Hy!
      I was thinking about this post…in the event that I die before writing another, it’s unlikely but you never know, I forgot to say, or I didn’t get to the part where I say that I love my husband, that I’m not a gold-digging whore (computer whore yeah but that’s different) that he is my best friend and that probably most of my anxiety comes from me and no one else….I love a good run-on sentence. Makes me feel happy to be alive!

      Je te fais des énormes bises,

      • pivoine68

        …but, there is a phrase from one of your posts that keeps floating around in my head because maybe you were trying to send me a subliminal message…it was something like, “He was a one-trick pony and I needed a destrier.” So where to go with all of that?

        PS: Was Madame Bovary a gold-digging whore? I read that like a century ago!

      • Hyacinth

        (You’re improving my rusty French, btw.)

        Ah, Dawn, honey, you never have to qualify yourself with me (us). We accept each word and post for what it is: that moment, that river, that trickle, whatever.

        I often worry about the same sort of thing — the picture I paint of me — but just know that your picture is beautiful and kind and twisted (in the very best kind of way) and just because you love your husband and he’s your best friend does not mean you aren’t allowed all your feelings. You still get to be you.


  1. Jayne

    Perhaps I need to read that book. Glad you didn’t say you could be Miss Havisham! That was a sad character. All I know is that I feel a spark of someone alive in your words and she seems to be a pretty light all by herself. love to you…

  2. Ink. [Anette]

    Thanks for writing this Dawn. It hit me hard and deep. I relate and agree.
    “Marriage as a sacrament seemed like a promise to never change, to remain constant.”…
    This is where the dog is buried. When behaviour, emotions, actions, rutines are taken for granted… seems like everything dies. Love. Love and passion takes a certain amount of unpredictability to stay alive. The same thing happens between un-married people and friends. It takes courage to avoid the gaping void.

  3. TheOthers1

    I guess this is a reminder that life never goes like you think it should. I pray for some spice in your relationship. 🙂

  4. sexuallifeofawife

    If he’s your best friend and you love him – that’s good enough for me…
    okokok sex IS very important… But love and friendship are what will last when you are so old you can’t even get to the toilet in time ; )

    • pivoine68

      LOL! I am always torn about that because I think the same thing but I often FEEL something else…especially that we only get one life, yuno? Then I figure that I’m quite the selfish bitch. If you knew me, you would never think so. It’s a latent quality I seem to have developed.

      Bisous to you,

      PS: What if one day we all have to wear diapers? I’m glad I have so many cancer-causing habits!

      • sexuallifeofawife

        Ha ha, I envy you then as I am fairly healthy!
        Back to one life and all that… I used to feel very much the same as you – my hubby was my best friend – but sex was not great…
        I’m not exactly sure – I’m sure I could pin it down if I thought about it – but things have def turned around for the better!
        Is there really no hope for you? I know he is 20 years your senior – which is a disadvantage when it comes to sex drive… Does he know how you feel?

      • pivoine68

        It’s not that it isn’t good…it’s just really infrequent. Which is worse I guess. It has been that way for so long now that I kind of give up, plus you’re right, if it wasn’t happening before chances are it’s not gonna be getting really like an everyday occurrence, ever. (which is a long fucking time!) So I get bummed and write erotic poetry, masturbate myself into tears…yuno? I always tell myself I could have someone who was mean to me or even hit me in the gut or something horrible like that which puts things back in perspective. Sort of.

        I get so wound up! I’m out of breath. Have a good evening Sophia!

        Big bisous,

  5. Accidental Masturbator

    I’ve never seen merit in large age gaps, but the heart works in funny ways.
    Agree completely the courage needed to walk away.
    And I’m starting to see why you might not be getting laid – sex ain’t high on the list for most 64yr old men, and certainly not compared to 43yr old women, who in my experience are horny as hell. (Usually.)

    • pivoine68

      Good point. (yeah, that would be me!) Nice to hear from you AM. How are you? I couldn’t guess which one is you in Gillian’s game. I guess I was looking for some kind of kinky device. 🙂



  6. H.H.

    Have you tried “masturbating to tears” in front of him? Or, have you tried a more open relationship – like Lo and I have (see “You Are the Best Thing”) – bring the gentlemen suitors into your bedroom? I imagine he may be opposed to this – like most territorial men, unfortunately.

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