Sexy Garden Fairy

After lengthy consideration, I’ve come to the conclusion that the only thing Hemingway and I have in common is drunkenness and strong suicidal urges. It is for this reason that I feel compelled to write a short series of Raunchy Poems That Rhyme. 

I wish I was your
Sexy Garden Fairy
Scantily clad
In a red German tunic
Shorter than is customary,
Barely revealing
Pudgy bottom, dimpled thigh
Panties missing
Sly gleam in my immobile eyes.

In time my life would have
True reason
Watching you live and love
Through each technicolor season.

I’d rest by the daffodils
Out back in your yard
Near the rusty bike, leaky hose
And the other things
You discard.

My fears and phobias
Funneled down into one place
That your Welsh Corgi, Charles
Raise his velvet paw
And pee in my face.


  1. Theo Black

    This one is strangely sweet and touching, as well as funny. I want to say, Fuck him, there’s loits of back yards with better shit than this.

  2. Pete Armetta

    Thanks for the laugh. This is the first thing I read this morning here with my coffee, and I almost sprayed some of it on the screen! Nice one. 🙂

  3. Cruel Intentions

    Dawn, I love this, it is so visual I can imagine this lecherous little garden fair with pee dripping off it while Charles walks away pawing the grass with certain satisfaction.



    • pivoine68

      Hi Sophia!
      I’ve always found something perverse about garden fairies….I’m glad you liked it.
      Sorry I’m so slow to reply. My internet connection wasn’t working for a few days and I
      got really behind. I’d love to read for like 72 hours. I’m always getting interrupted.

      Hope you are well!

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