The Flip-Side of IT Love

     This post is in response to the incredibly talented Kyle Mew‘s posts “Top Ten Reasons to Have an Internet Girlfriend/Boyfriend”.

Falling into a sickened state remotely resembling love on the computer certainly does have some advantages, but in my humble opinion the dark sides shadow the brightness. I don’t believe that I was in any way predestined to such a sterile manner of loving, consider myself  more of a hands-on type, but virtual love has become a sort of new bad habit for me over the last few years. (as if I didn’t have enough bad habits before!) It was during my husbands “affaire with a younger women” (life really is pathetic at times) and the horrid period of jealousy-induced rummaging through everything in my home, especially the computer, that the seed was silently planted. I’m planning on telling that heart-wrenching story some day but for now, I just want to point out some of the drawbacks to PC  romance.

The first and most obvious drawback is without a doubt the incredible amount of time you can waste in front of this fucking screen in the pursuit of….what? Flattery? Dick-pictures? Affirmation that you have still got it goin’on, that you are worthy? [I could concentrate my own self-worth and stick it on the back of a postage stamp, leaving you enough room for your spit, I’m especially keen on being flattered and if your dick has something REALLY special about it…you know where to find me.] If this newly found time-drain procures any real, honest sexual gratification, by all means, continue. But if you begin to realize that your computer time might actually just be keeping you home a lot where you are not likely to be flattered or see any real genitalia, it might be time to change some things.

IT Mating Games can lead to a wide array of health problems. It ruins your tan, flattens your ass, causes weight-gain, insomnia and dark circles under your eyes. If you have addiction issues, this kind of activity is not going to do you any good. Although you can’t catch an STD or generate any future offspring, (phew) it’s terrible for your vision, your back and especially your wrist. And you thought Carpel Tunnel Syndrome was only about touching your mouse! Silly you! Silly mouse!

At some point, you might visibly cringe when you see an “I-Reputation” commercial introducing you to a lovely, healthy family walking through a park when suddenly, they are splattered with tar…black ooze dripping down the little toddler’s face. An ominous voice informs you that you should really get insurance to protect you and your loved ones from internet-related damage. It then occurs to you as you pass into a clammy, cold sweat that just like Hansel and Gretel, you have left quite a remarkable fucking trail behind you. How you could really explain it, justify it is impossible. You can’t even explain it to yourself. Chances are you have more to gain and less to lose in an authentic, thrusting, pounding, sultry, sordid affaire. (at least you would be getting laid.)

The most painful part of all this is that when it’s all over, you still end up having to live together. At least in real relationships, when things go awry, you can always pack your suitcase, join the French Foreign Legion, whatever. You can throw dishes at your partner, scream maniacally…go for the throat. It’s really quite cathartic. On the other hand, when your inbox is suddenly  empty (your computer is still warm, your heart racing, you perceive a faint smoldering odor….) In this imaginary relationship that never happened in real life, when he stops writing you, your fragile heart will pass ever so slowly into the blender. If your correspondent is still on your list, and there is really no good reason he wouldn’t be seeing how you never really knew him to begin with, you can waste even more time evaluating every women he has fucked, is fucking, wants to fuck, will ever fuck, would fuck given the opportunity.

Thanks to “Social Networks”, you’ll be able to keep on following the life and love of your writer/dick-photo guy. That way you will know if he has found that special person. With any luck at all, the new girl will be smarter, prettier…just such an all around better person than you. Younger. Can’t fight younger. Maybe she writes or practices some form of art. Maybe she is a lot like you.

You will know that he has found some kind of fulfillment where as you are just sitting there in front of your computer, exactly where you were when all of this craziness began. Frustrated, dissatisfied, filled with the relentless kind of self-hatred only you can perpetuate. The only change being that from now on, you can fear seeing photos of yourself in obscene posture on a lighter or a flyer or a pop-up window. On the side of a bus or the wall of the subway. Great…

If I had the time, I would write a proper conclusion. I need to check my emails/Facebook/telephone.


  1. Gillian Colbert

    Well, shit Dawn. I’m actually at a loss .. great piece, I so relate as does my wrist, my carpal tunnel, my bad eyes, flat ass and no tan … LOL

  2. Cruel Intentions

    I concur. the lure of instant gratification just a mouse click away. I fear dawn that expecting another one of you thoughtful poems everyone is now reflecting on whether they really needed that HD web cam and private surfing software.
    I used to “talk” to a women years ago through Flickr . Now I see her picture in ads on adults sites luring IT lovers to join dating sites. Once you click that send button pictures can never be reclaimed again.

    very insightful


    • pivoine68

      It’s fairly suicidal when you think about it. Life as I know it could be over in a New York second. I suppose I would meet interesting people and pigeons on a park bench. (do you have a guest bedroom? I’m really discreet and an excellent cook.)

      So that women is now a professional? New jobs are created every day.

      Bisous Cruel,

      • Cruel Intentions

        No Dawn someone stole her picture from her Flickr account. That I would guess is how most of those dating sites get those pictures.
        Discretion is attractive in a women, we have lots of guess rooms at work and we could always use a good cook. 🙂

        little kisses


  3. Theo Black

    Just keep your eyes open; there is a guy who will adore your flat ass and bitter sentiments. You’re in Marlene Dietrick territory, and I’m getting a woody just typing this.
    BTW, Is that just an earring in your banner picture? I keep wanting to think it’s a nipple, but I bet it’s just an earring.

    • pivoine68

      Theo, I was not implying that MY ass is flat! I’ve written about it here somewhere. I’m thinking it may be the only sexy thing I’ve got going for me!

      It pleases me to be woody-inspiring. Maybe that is shallow, but that is (bitter) me.

      The earring is in my belly-button. It’s been there since 1997, I’ve been operated on two or three times and even medical professionals couldn’t figure out how to remove it. I begged them not to cut it. It’s an integral part of me now.

      Bisous Théodore Noir,

  4. Romantic Dominant

    Intelligent and well considered post.
    I once thought I loved a woman on my screen. We spoke day and night and indulged in D/s creatively and missed the moments when we were not connected. I knew her body completely, yet virtually, was warmed by her voice, and smiled at her sweet northern humour.
    And then, after six months, we breathlessly spanned the 400 miles between us and met. I realised at that moment that everything before had been shadows compared to the utter wonder of our heavenly physical union.

    • pivoine68

      Oops! I wrote back to you and now my response has disappeared. (where is it!) I was saying that you are fortunate. The movie was better than book. I think people that are otherwise normally put together get tripped up in this stuff because there is something magical about the written word. It is amazingly powerful for me…in erotic value and in just plain emotional value. (Does this make sense? I’ve been drinking too much wine and am now a bit muddled.) Then I said, in my previous response now lost in cyberspace, I love heavenly physical union, which is true.

      Bisous Sexy Voice,

      • Romantic Dominant

        I agree, I was lucky – she turned out to be more than she appeared. So often the reality is less. And as a writer I have to agree with you about the power of the written word. I do not mock ‘cyber relationships’, I have gained and given pleasure (pain also), friendship and solace through them.
        If the ‘kisses sexy voice’ was aimed at me then I am smiling.

  5. Hyacinth

    Ack – it posted too soon! Lemme try again.

    Holy shit, Dawn! I laughed out loud at this: “The first and most obvious drawback is without a doubt the incredible amount of time you can waste in front of this fucking screen in the pursuit of….what? Flattery? Dick-pictures? Affirmation that you have still got it goin’on, that you are worthy?”

    I’ve done this a time or two myself and everything you list is spot-fucking-on. I hope this means that next time you’ll find yourself with a dick in your mouth and not in your heart 🙂

    • pivoine68

      Hi Hy!

      Yeah, I’m a total psycho and I have no idea why I do these things. It gives me an adrenaline rush or something. Plus, I need to be sure that I still appear on the food chain I guess. How lucky you are to still be younger-ish. I’m so terrified of getting old…I guess I could always stick my head in the oven! LOL. That was a bad joke.

      Big French Kiss,

      • Hyacinth

        Dawn! C’mon! How old are you? And I hear you. I’ve never feared aging before I’ve become sexually awake. How do I do *this* in 20 years?? Will I even still want to?

        And it was a bad joke haha. xx

  6. Pete Armetta

    I’ve learned the hard way, so I stay away from virtual romance. Unless I want to meet someone locally which I’ve done. And insist on meeting ASAP if ever! Great write. I enjoyed Kyle’s post, and now your response.

  7. creativenoodling

    Goodness Dawn… Thanks for the warning! : ) I’ve never done dating sites or the online thing at all, until this strange, wonderful, happy accident with Mr. Intrigue. We shall see how it goes.

    • pivoine68

      I never would have expected enjoying this kind of thing as much as I do. I Totally Swoon! It’s idiotic really.

      I hope all is going well with Mr. Intrigue! How exciting!!!


  8. Kyle

    wow dawn, that’s deep and sad and makes me wanna get that white charger, conquer my fear of horses and just come rescue you

  9. G

    Omg, love it and needed to read this today. I knew there had to be an end when I ran out of ways to describe myself blowing him. But when he left (haha) it hurt hella bad!

    • pivoine68

      I agree, it’s something you know from the beginning can’t go anywhere but once you’re in…

      It does hurt. The more it hurts the more I keep on doing it. Go figure!
      Thanks for your comment.

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