How Flattery Will Get You Everywhere

Although I too am a dick blogger like lovely Miss Hyacinth Jones and never usually get around to writing  when I get a blog award…I’ve received a shitload of them lately (four seems like a lot to me! Wow!) and now feel compelled to participate. I may not nominate anyone though because I think most everyone in my little circle of blog friends has already received the same ones. I’m not so sure about that though. I’ll have to verify! I thank Hyacinth at  A Dissolute Life, my beautiful friend and erotic twin Gillian Colbert at Black Door Press, Theo Black, and H.H. at mysexlifewithlola for showering me with praise and for giving me the chance to share seven things I’ve never told anyone in the blogging world and an embarrassing or awkward moment. I have so many of those…narrowing it down to one will be tough.

I think I’ll start with Hy’s award, an inspirational blogger award: 7 Things I Have Never Told You.

1. If I had to pick out one emotion which rules my existence, I would chose fear. I’m terrified of what I have done, what I have not done, who I am, who I’m not, of getting old, of hurting people’s feelings, being disliked….the list is endless. I honestly think that without fear to push me along in life, I’d just curl up and die.

2. My libido has no place in my life. It is like a square peg in a circle. So either I need to try to hone down my urges or change lives, neither of which really appeals to me. Obviously, I am terrified of both possibilities. (see number 1)

3. I am the least flexible person in my yoga class. I have never been able to do the splits, a cartwheel or ski although I’m from Colorado. I didn’t make cheerleading.

4. I have never owned a car in my whole life. I’ve lived in France for the past 20 years and have never gotten a French Drivers License. I like public transportation.

5. I have never voted. I have a terrible time making up my mind for things way less important. (what to wear for example.)

6. I am a picker, tweezer…no zit or unsightly hair (yours or mine) can resist me.

7. I spend huge amounts of time thinking about my body. I worry constantly about getting fat/being fat/never liking my body. It is tiring for people around me and it sucks for me as well.

Now for my embarrassing and awkward moment:

I was about 19 years old and lived in a great apartment with a girlfriend who went to the same school as I did. Like most 19 year olds, we went out a lot. I had stamina in those days. I worked full-time, went to school and had this big bar schedule I upheld with joyous frenzy. I was really enjoying sexual freedom back in those days, and that’s a happy thing because sometimes I have to say I’m not enjoying my lack of freedom now…but that’s a different story.

Anyway, to make a one-night stand story even shorter than it already was…I brought this guy home with me after a club. He was not a stranger or anything. I already knew him. Knew he was always watching me. Knew we were gonna do it….

My roommate was asleep in her room when she was awoken by my sounds and Cocteau Twins. A dead give away. I’m noisy and in that period (we can call it “My Cocteau Twin Period”) that soft dream music always meant I had company. This could very well be the point in my life where I crossed “me on top” off of my list more or less for good. I had a little virginal twin-size bed so my gentleman suitor and I ended up on the floor. I was on top, it was good I think if my memory serves me right. Suddenly, this beautiful wooden radiator cover  tipped over onto my lovers forehead with a horrid thud. He was not seriously injured, there was no blood or anything but it was an awful, embarrassing moment.


  1. Measha

    I remember that all too well……The CRASH!! BANG!! PROFANITY!! CRASH!! CRASH!! embarrassing for me, as well. I crept back to my room without drinking that glass of water which had been my mission. I was left to dehydrate the night away.

    • pivoine68

      Thanks! I have been wanting to read your last few posts and keep on getting interrupted. Now I’m on a computer at the library (where no one need anything from me) but it blocks illicit content. I’m surprised I can even look at my own. There’s one advantage to not being able to say “cock!” LOL


  2. Theo Black

    Coteau Twins. Evo. Yes. From you’r writing I’m somehow not surprised that you’re hyper-critical of yourself, but you ought give yourself a break; you know you’re a goddess.

  3. Hyacinth

    Hahaha. I don’t think a lover has ever been injured on my watch with a radiator. That may be because I’ve never fucked anywhere where there was a radiator, though 😉

    So, what’s with all the fear, my dear?

    • pivoine68

      I found that guy on FB and he’s married with children…I sent him a little note, “glad to see there was no permanant brain dammage.” to which he never replied. LOL
      The fear is just like another body part I guess. I try to ignore it. (it’s not as huge as my ass!)
      If we meet, can I still call you Hy? It would be too weird to call you anything but!


      • Hyacinth

        Hahaha. Too funny. Gotta love FB!

        And yes, you most certainly may call me Hy. Sometimes I catch myself referring to myself as Hy. Weird!

  4. AR

    Whew. If that was your most embarrassing moment you’ve done pretty damn well. Mine..probably, calling someone the wrong name in the heat of passion. YIKES was I really that high…..

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