In between

This is just a parenthesis between Mouth and my next body part. If you are both an alcoholic and environmentally conscious, you will sooner or later be confronted with A Bottle Dilemma. This problem occurs when you have loads of bottles hanging around like bad friends, and you know it would be so easy just to throw them in the big trash dumpster in your garden and be rid of them forever. When there were less of them, you thought it would be a healthy and responsible action to put them in bags and walk your fat ass down to a conveniently located recycling bin…but of course now there are far too many. This happens so quickly. You find yourself wondering where the time goes, disappearing forever behind you, bottles piling up in every silent corner. Although you know that just trashing them would be the easiest solution, you cannot seem to do it. You envision the whole miserable planet polluted with your own sickness (among others) and you sometimes wake up in the middle of the night in a cold sweat asking yourself, “How can I get rid of these fucking bottles?” because you know that they are the physical proof of your undeniable weakness.

24 comments

  1. Gillian Colbert

    Sweets, bottles pile up in my house too and they are nothing more than water bottles. Walk your fat (only in your own mind btw) ass out and get rid of them. They are nothing more than bottles my dear.

    Big hugs and much love,

    GC

  2. Nick

    The planet and environment applaud your sacrifice on its behalf in avoiding the dumpster:)
    Get some of those nice big, strong French supermarket last-for-ever bags and make a start on returning the empties to the recycling. Not all of them, just a bag, maybe 2. Do this once a day and you can soon live without bottles and with your conscience. And get super fit.
    If desperation strikes, bag them all and get a taxi. Or hire a man with a van (disguised with other rubbish to go, naturally). Persuade a friend and car. Or invite all your blog friends over to help drink wine and take the empties back. Party!

    • pivoine68

      I have already considered that too, keep up with my own consumption so it wouldn’t look so bad…but I always get behind. I think you may very well be one of the only people who got what I was getting at…

      I’d love to invite you all over to help me drink wine! It wouldn’t be BYOB it would be Take your own Bottle Home with you!

      Take care Sir!

      Bisous,
      Dawn

    • pivoine68

      I wish you lived closer!!! That is sweet of you to do that for your sister-in-law. I’m sure she must appreciate the fact that you don’t ask questions.

      Bisous,
      Dawn

  3. Cruel Intentions

    Here at a nickle a bottle or can you just place them at the curb and someone collects them I have seen perloined shopping carts being pushed with so many bottle in the basket they continue to fall out at evey bump.

    A bottle can have so many meanings to different people the hobo I see collecting them see a nights peace from the demons of sobriaty.

    Boyscouts see campfires and canoeing monies.

    It is just a bottle

    Cruel

  4. TheOthers1

    I have to transport my stuff to school to recycle them so I have a spot in the house to keep them until I take them to school. It’s a little irritating, but I manage. I do confess to sometimes just throwing them out.

    • pivoine68

      Funny how guilty we end up feeling for this stuff, when you compare us to, say, Exxon or some big huge polluter like that. I think it’s all this conspiracy to make us fret about things far beyond our control and not actually take action for things we can do something about. Did that make sense?

      Bisous Ma Belle Professeur,
      Dawn

      • TheOthers1

        Perfect sense. I like your send off at the end (I can’t figure out the correct word for your closing). Belle Professur. It sounded sweet. 🙂

  5. Imperfect

    So funny. I have this very same problem. For whatever reason, my apartment building doesn’t have a recycling bin, but the one next to us does. I always feel like an asshole dumping my recycling in my neighbor’s bin, but I don’t want to just throw it in the trash and no way I’m going to carry all that shit to my car and drive it to some recycling facility. I only take it out late at night when no one’s around. I don’t consider myself an alcoholic, but I’m lazy and like wine, plus I feel guilty for using a neighbor’s bin, so when I finally get around to taking out the recycling I usually have to make a couple of furtive trips.

    • pivoine68

      It’s amazing how much we are all alike, and how we have all found each other for some reason. I doubt that your neighbors mind if you share their bin…
      I love “furtive trips” at night. I imagine you with a hat and a trench coat and maybe dark glasses. Serial Recyclers of the World Unite!

      Bisous,
      Dawn

  6. AR

    They don’t recycle glass in my current little bass-ackwards town. So we take them down to the local Target which kindly takes them to California, land of recycling, on their empty trucks. It’s always amusing to see people’s faces as I wheel in a huge cart of beer and wine bottles. And vodka bottles. Sometimes rum.

  7. dawninflux

    I put on a persona of a home health care worker whenever I have to buy or do something that I feel self conscious of. That I am not there for me, but I am a paid aide. I’m looking through labels on *that* isle? Why, it’s my job!

    I echo about committing to maintaining equilibrium. That if 10 items will be coming in, then 10 items need to leave the house before I bring something home.

    For me, there is a certain amount of self hate when life piles up. I punish myself by feeling I’m living amongst trash. That this is what I deserve.

    Hugs to you ~

    • pivoine68

      Maintaining equilibrium is so hard I think. Balance…sometimes I feel like if I could just stop going off to the left, off to the right and just stay standing straight, everything would be ok.

      Thanks for the hugs Dawn!

      Bisous,
      the other Dawn

      • dawninflux

        I really like the comments above. Pretend you are the sister in law or friend, and yes, get a taxi, say that the house had a party, and you are doing your bit for the clean up.

        Then, like brushing your teeth, maintain it.

        You are worth *your* time. Go on, hustle your heinie. …we’ll give you kisses…. ❤

      • pivoine68

        It’s Monday morning and I’m thinking it would be a good diet/punishment to start putting the bottles in sacks (I can carry 8 in each arm) and walking down to the conveniently located recycling center two blocks from my house. 400 calories…easy. It’s SO hot though.

        Bottle bisous filled with good intentions,
        Dawn

      • dawninflux

        Wow, sounds great. How many kisses per bottle or by sack?

        Just to get going on them, I’ll start with some Morticia Addams trailing butterfly kisses up the arms.

        Ready?

        Kiss, kisskisskisskiss, kiss, kisskisskisskiss, kiss, kisskisskisskiss. Kiss. Kiss. Kiss. There.

        Smooch ~

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