Des Vieilleries

She was beautiful
Not in a boastful, self-satisfied way,
Just in acceptance
Of what others said
To define her.
It didn’t mean any more to her
Than the fact that people said she had brown eyes,
Or that she was left-handed
Understood by her as common knowledge
She never felt it,
Certainly never knew how to use it,
Felt it was quite wasted on someone so broken.

She is fading
Not in a rapid, overnight ride
Just day by day.
She no longer knows
What others say to define her
And what hurts her most now
Is the idea, becoming clearer
That she may never feel worthwhile at all.


  1. Gillian Colbert

    Lovely poem, but what is old can be new again. It’s never too late to define yourself. I’m learning that myself.

    • pivoine68

      Thanks Gillian. It’s hard to know if your own definitions of yourself are truly yours though, or just some footprints of what other people think of you. I get SUPER lost in this kind of shit! Take care Ma Belle!

      • Gillian Colbert

        I hear you. I wonder the same thing. I struggle to figure out what is me, what is him, what is other people. When I do figure out those tidbits, I cling hard.

        Happy Valentines Day!

    • pivoine68

      I guess that’s just how life is meant to be! I’m still waiting for “smart” though even old! Not that I’m stupid but in matters that concern me…well, yuno! Take care of yourself Honorary Member! You are the best!

      PS: Soon you and Measha will be sharing cocktails while I have to sneak drinks in the kitchen all by myself!

    • pivoine68

      Thank you. Sorry to have made your heart hurt…really I’m quite funny and light but sometimes I just have to write this stuff out of my system and throw the bottle out to sea. I’m finding it SO helpful in sorting out my perverted little mind! Thanks for reading my poem.

  2. Foster Drake

    It is a spiritually devastating point at which we are drowned in the thought we are useless. If there is one abiding hope that each person treasure in themselves, it is the idea that they are useful for something. The absence of that recognition removes any purpose in life and leaves us in despair. This work is really so deep that I am barely able to process a proper response, but I will say that it encapsulates both the fear and the reality of each of us at some point. What a stirring contemplation. Beautifully said


    • Gillian Colbert

      Damn, Foster … you pack more in a comment than most do in an entire post. I can’t wait to see what you have to say each time!

      • Foster Drake

        That is very kind of you. I can never determine what to post about, but I find such inspiration on other blogs that I feel I could spend my time there rather than on my own! I am not a very practiced blogger, as you may well have discerned 😉


      • lovesexandmarriage

        I was going to say the same thing! *weird :)* I had to read it twice… then slow down to read it again! You’ve got a way with words Foster! (Can you sit with me when I do the language section of the GREs?)

      • Foster Drake

        @lovesexandmarriage I would be more than happy to sit with you, if you so desire. Language is but the clothing of our thoughts, and each of us dress them slightly different, so I am grateful we share the diversity. I cannot hold claim on any skill that I do not see in you as well 😉

        @Pivoine68 The thanks is due you, my dear. I would have nothing to say without your inspiration. Thank you so much for visiting and encouraging me to post today. It meant a great deal


    • pivoine68

      It’s terrifying. I think about it a lot and then I make myself a gin and tonic and smoke five cigarettes in a row and I forget to be so afraid. Can’t do much about it I guess.

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