Blogging/Talking Dirty

Wow! On February 1st 96 people took the time to read my poem. I find that disturbing really. I’m new at this…I didn’t really think that more than a handful of friends on Facebook would actually read what I am writing. I would be less surprised if the title of my poem had been, “The Hidden Pleasures of Fist-Fucking” or something catchy like that but it was just “Nod (näd)” a gesture of approval. Not too arousing or anything. I’ve noticed that my Facebook readers are dwindling. Does this mean my “Close Friends” are not interested in what I have to say? I was mildly horrified by a “search terms engine” that said, “french girl learns masturbation” which immediately made my think of a surly, sweaty guy with hairy knuckles, one hand on the mouse, the other shoved down his pants. That isn’t really what I’m looking for. I’m not  even French and was a girl but am now quite a bit older than that. Anyway, the whole thing was making me question my motives for writing about this. I’m starting to feel like I have to write in private because I’m pretty sure my husband would not appreciate my candor. At all. The French are very private people.

I was on the phone with my Dad last night (he is Family on Facebook) and although I realize that if you post something on there to only a certain group, all the other people can see it anyways, I didn’t think anyone was paying attention. He mentioned my last poem which he had read (OMG!) and then asked if I was OK. As if maybe that post was a sign that I truly gone over the edge. I suppose that at 43 a person should be grown-up enough to not need their parents approval…but, I guess I’m not all that grown-up. Which made me start thinking I don’t really want him or loads of other people in my family to read my blog. So maybe I’ll take it off Facebook all together. Or create a page. I really do want to become rich and famous though! I heard that Julia Childs was 50 when she published her first cookbook. Maybe it’s not too late for me to become a literary icon. LOL

Oh, one more thing. I have been pleasantly surprised to make new friends through blogging. I feel sort of like I have been adopted by a reassuring pair of Fairy Godparents. I don’t really know you  but I think about, worry about you etc. and I am finding that sharing with others reciprocally is really beneficial for me. I hope I can be helpful to others as well. (You know who you are!)

19 comments

  1. TheOthers1

    You’re brave to post your blog on facebook, but maybe I think that because I don’t feel comfortable having people in Facebook into the private world that is my blog. Only a select few people that I know have access to my blog. I’m not trying to be secretive with my thoughts and creativity I’m just too sensitive to what others would say if they saw what I wrote.

  2. Measha

    I’m still reading, love. I’m just a “follower”, therefore read it from my email, not FB. You ARE brave and talented and beautiful. You have so much to give, share, let out. Don’t stop. No need to worry about those who don’t get it. They don’t really count anyway, in the big picture of your life. Right? I love you!!

    • pivoine68

      I’m happy that you are still reading! I took it off FB though. I don’t think it’s a good idea finally. Could tarnish my sterling reputation! LOL! I love you too My Parsnip Root!

  3. Gillian Colbert

    My blog is on facebook, but FB is a professional medium for me, I don’t have any personal or family “friends” there. Same with Twitter. You have to decide the boundaries that work for you. Ironically, when I began my blog the intent was not to ever have anything personal on it … how’s that working for me 😉

    I find blogging to be very liberating. Sometimes, though, I weird myself out with the topics that I end up writing about, but that is my baggage talking. I have a few restrictions …I don’t post about sex with my guy, ever. I don’t post anything that can be personally identifying, but other than that … I don’t hold back.

    Blogging has been an amazing experience and the people (such as you) that I’ve met have been inspiring. In the end, it’s only what you make it. I’ve felt very connected to you through your writing. I would miss it, but it’s your skin you live in … no one elses!

    Regards!

    • pivoine68

      I took my blog off Facebook and deleted the posts. Maybe I could make another page for that. I think I am overstepping my own limits sharing some things with some people, yuno? It’s probably wise for your relationship with your guy not to share about sex. I feel kind of dishonest (really dishonest) sharing so much about my relationship with my husband because I’m certain that he would be devastated if he knew what I’m writing. At the same time it feels cathartic to me. My last poem, which wasn’t about my husband, writing it down and everything has sort of helped me get my mind back in place. I didn’t expect that but it’s a nice surprise. Yearning SUCKS at the end of the day!

      I agree that blogging is incredible. I didn’t expect that either. Weird how in your life things fall into place in and the people you need seem to be sent to you from elsewhere. Eventually anyway. I have not read your masturbation post yet because every time I’m on the computer, my husband comes up behind me and I’m either reading “Accidental Masturbator” or some other sex-related thing and I fear getting Busted somehow despite my age. In spite of my age. I never got the difference.

      I feel like if we met for a coffee, it would seem like we had known each other since grade school. Thank you for existing! 🙂

      • Gillian Colbert

        I completely hear you … my guy and I discussed my blogging before I began so he knows, but he refuses to read it which I like because I feel much more free to write without wondering what he’d say.

        It was probably a good idea to take it down off FB. I wouldn’t want friends and family reading my blog. My nephew knows about it, but he doesn’t read it either (he’s 34, that sounded creepy 😉 )

        P.S. I feel the same way. Sometimes you just connect with people. I return the sentiment … thank you for being you.

  4. lovesexandmarriage

    When I started my blog, I made a page for it on Facebook. But I set up wordpress to automatically link with facebook. I thought it was linking to my blog’s page. Actually, it was linking to MY page. OMG. I didn’t even realize it (facebook seems to be one of the things that I have given up time for since I’ve started blogging). One day, after posting a blog about “squirting” a friend messaged me about it. I then realized that all those people, some 240 “friends” could see what I was blogging about. Not that I’m ashamed of what I write, what I do. I’m not. I just don’t think my Great Aunt Ann needs to know that I like it when I’m spanked or have an exteme fondness for anal sex.

    There are only 4 people that I know personally that I “invited” on facebook. One (a girl I have a crush on) did not even look. When I asked her about it, she responded “I’m not married, so why would I read it.” One is too busy to, but she says she’ll get to it. Nothing can suprise her, as she has been my best friend since I was 14. She knows me better than I know myself. She was my first female lover, so, sexually, there is not a whole lot I can say that will suprise her. One is an old co-worker. He “likes” the blog on facebook, but I’m asssuming he doesn’t read it or he’d have commented to me about it. The last is my other best friend. She reads my posts daily. She told me it makes her blush. But I also think it helps her. I think it makes her want to become more comfortable with herself, both in her desires and in her actions.

    M, my husband, knows about my blog. He knows it’s about sex. He doesn’t read it. I think it’s better that way. It allows me to be open. Not that I wouldn’t be open if he was reading, I just think it is easier because I’m not concerned if he will be pissed when I talk about our own experiences. Or think of me differently when (if) I discuss dark desires, past experiences, etc…

    My point being (sorry it took so long for me to get to it), I think it was good to take it off your facebook. Delete those posts. Here you are anonymous. Here you can be you.

    And, btw, it was a lovely poem.

    • pivoine68

      Thank you for taking the time to share that with me! I don’t know a lot about the computer side of blogging…I just realized I thought over 500 people had clicked on my blog but actually people have clicked on posts 500 times. (and I was getting ready to sign autographs! I’m SICK of waiting to be famous! LOL) When I first started this I told my husband about it…that I had found what I want to do with my life. I think he doesn’t take me all that seriously sometimes which is good. I’m hoping he doesn’t feel like reading this at all. Changing my name on here would put me back even farther in my hopes for celebrity. One good thing, my guys English is not great. But you never know about stuff like that. I never talk on the phone to my girlfriends in America when he’s here. Seems rotten to criticize someone when they are right next to you. I know I wouldn’t like anyone doing that to me.

      I didn’t know that you could invite only certain people on FB. Mine was on there since I started in December so I figure anyone who was interested could have plucked my address out and saved it somewhere. I also have a Great Aunt Rachel (90) who is on FB and I’m friends with two girlfriends 14 year old sons. Probably better to leave FB aside. I don’t want to be responsible for any heart attacks or imagine those kids saying “She WANTS it!” as they beat their teenage meat.

      Your post yesterday was a quick and arousing read! Sounds like a lovely afternoon! Lucky you! Last night we watched this movie “Apollonide: Histoire d’une Maison Close,” a French brothel in the early 1900’s. All of the steaminess of it made me burst out in big, sad tears. I have no idea how I have totally missed both my professional life and my sex life as well. Odd, I’m not an idiot and I’m not ugly or deformed. I don’t get it sometimes.

      Thanks for liking my poem! 🙂

  5. sexuallifeofawife

    Wow! That was very honest and brave of you to put on facebook (ie not anonymously!) Can understand why you have taken it off now… but still!!!
    I wish we could all be open about our sexual sides – but unfortunately people make judgements…
    I love the fact that your dad asked if you were ‘ok’ ; )

  6. AR

    I’m kind of over the whole Facebook thing- I don’t really put much on there these days, and don’t promote my blog much. It’s great when people stumble across it and have something to say, it’s like eyes meeting or a nod from across a crowded room…like, hello, there you are. A secret thing. I think this whole blogging thing is a totally new way to document the world, a public journal- and it is very brave of you to be honest and sexual in that forum. I write erotica for this site.. http://www.oystersandchocolate.com. You should submit! They pay a tiny stipend, but it’s fun to have your sexy thoughts out there for others to read.

  7. pivoine68

    I’m kind of over the whole Facebook thing too, which is a relief! I tend to stalk people (not in a serial killer kind of way! But yuno.) Initially I wanted to write on FB and little by little, I write nothing and just follow other people’s lives. Plus it’s a total time drain.

    I agree, it’s more special to me now that my blog is no longer on FB to find that people actually do read it anyway. I like the randomness of blogging, like throwing your message in a bottle out to sea, you never know if it will even be found at all. I’m really enjoying this more than I thought I would and for different reasons than the ones that brought me here. It’s a pleasure to meet people like you and to share such intimacy (not just erotica but feelings in general.)

    Thanks for the site info! I’m excited to try it. Any stipend would be a good stipend! LOL

    Take care,
    Dawn

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