Out

So she was a banged-up green marble with purple specks and a jelly-fish form in the middle. She was missing a chunk, as if she had been thrown against a brick wall. Her friends had invited her to go out to a club with them, trying to convince her that her life was not over, it was merely different. She would have preferred to keep her situation secret but she could not eat, could not sleep and her body revealed to any passer-by the extent of her distress. She had always loved night-life, which is why she had accepted their invitation. In fourth grade her father had offered her a pair of roller skates with fast-car blue pom-poms. Every Saturday morning, she spent her allowance at Skate City. It was a dark and mysterious place to her. She loved the disco ball, the lights, the music drowning out any possibility of thought or reflection. She enjoyed watching the sexuality in people, usually more or less hidden, ooze out in the dark rink. This made her realize that what is sexual in a human being is actually right under the skin. Simply scratching the surface is enough to release such energy. She, despite her young age, also felt transformed in this context, whirling and careening, her body seemed to detach a bit from her Self. From the ceiling she could observe herself in a way that seemed to reveal how others could see her.

She was having an enjoyable evening with her girlfriends in the club. The music was ok and she felt relieved to be out of her home. She was not drinking at all, having spent six weeks in The Amy Winehouse Treatment Center a year and a half prior to this evening and was trying really hard to maintain her sobriety, although it had not really brought as many positive changes into her life as she had hoped for. She was dancing and felt good. On the dance floor  she felt worlds away from her life, her problems. Someone started dancing really close to her, touching her lightly, rubbing her ass with his pelvis. She was not always open to that kind of…I don’t know, going for it without asking, but that night she felt incredibly aroused by this body. She liked his hands on her hips, his breath on her neck. It was probably more or less an obscene spectacle for people watching, but she didn’t care at all.

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