This morning on the train on your way to work, maybe you noticed a middle-aged, fairly attractive women. There was nothing particularly interesting about her, so you continued playing with your phone. You would have had no way of knowing just by looking at her how very unusual her journey really was. Dressed in sportswear, tennis shoes, you may have thought she was on her way to the gym but really, her gym is in the opposite direction. Maybe this early morning train ride is anything but banal to her. Perhaps she is about to betray a loved one. She does not look like a traitor.
In French, there is an expression, “Le vengeance est un plat qui se mange froid.” Revenge is a dish that is eaten cold. Are these words ringing in her ears, floating around in her silly head? The image of a plate full of cigarette butts comes to mind. Yet it is not revenge that fuels her. Not even anger. She would have an easier time doing this if she felt hatred or anger but she feels none of this. She knows all to well that dishonesty is not her strong point. She often thinks that if she had a child, lying might be the first act that she would teach him. It is so useful. Necessary. “If you cannot lie in this cold world, you are going to have a hard time,” that is what she would tell her kid.
She cannot lie well. She can, however, omit. or at least she has been capable of omission in the past. For the most part, she needs to reveal herself completely to every person she comes in contact with. She does not seem conscious of how all the information she divulges is a danger to her. Or maybe she just does not care. Discretion is nearly impossible for her, but she has made the decision today to take actions that she will have to hide. She probably finds this unfortunate but she knows that to change her situation, she has to act. She is aware that she is probably making a huge mistake, that she has no armor to shield her from the consequences she may be provoking, but she is letting Fate be her judge.