She cautiously moves ahead, treading deep waters. The idea of going under, letting the waves wash over her troubled head is extremely enticing but at the same time, she would not want to miss even a second of her perilous journey.
So much time has already been squandered, as if “too late,” would never pertain to her.
So many extraordinary possibilities that are presently extraordinarily impossible.
In the new scenario she has written, herself being the main character, (obviously) she is continuously confronted with hugely uncomfortable situations. Situations that probably go against the very grain she was raised on. Situations that make her feel like an imposture. A ridiculous tourist visiting strange lands through the tinted window of a technicolor tour bus. Someone way too far out of her waters to ever swim well.
Or worse, just a complete idiot.
This lingering impression causes her to doubt her actions and herself in general. Maybe she is really much too far from her native shores. Maybe she is silently stepping on toes she had not even seen in her path, being blind to the protocol, the codes, breaking rules of conduct that she is completely unaware of. More or less. Maybe she is not really “a mature audience.”
This said, it is far from her intentions to waste anyone else’s time.